Bully Prevention

by The Daily

When Stacy Conner picked up her daughter Ashlynn from her elementary school the day before she died, she found the 10-year-old in tears, a drastic change from the bubbly fifth-grader who had hopped out of her car that morning.

Ashlynn told her mother she had been picked on by the same group of girls who had been harassing her all week on the playground of Georgetown Ridge Farm Elementary School in Georgetown, Ill.

Kids had bullied Ashlynn for years, calling her a “slut,” “fat,” and “ugly,” so that day’s incident seemed relatively minor to Stacy: The girls had poked fun at Ashlynn’s initials, “A.C.,” saying it sounded like “air conditioner.”

Three different teachers at the school had told Ashlynn to “stop tattling” after she reached out for help, the girl told her mother. It was the Thursday before Veterans Day, and Stacy told Ashlynn she should go straight to the principal the following Monday if the bullying continued.

“But she didn’t want to wait until Monday,” Stacy told The Daily.

Ashlynn’s older sister found her hanging by her neck from a scarf in a bedroom closet on Friday night. She was pronounced dead before 9 p.m. at a local hospital, another inconceivably young victim of elementary school bullying.

Kevin Tate, the Georgetown schools superintendent, declined to comment on allegations that Ashlynn’s teachers had ignored her pleas for help.

“This very nice and pleasant girl was very well liked by both the students and staff, so this was devastating for everyone at Ridge View Elementary,” Tate told The Daily. He said grief counseling was offered at Ridge View and a few other surrounding schools yesterday.

Vermilion County Sheriff Pat Hartshorn said the death was being treated as a suicide and that his department was investigating claims of bullying, both in person and through Facebook and text messages, but would not comment further.

The school principal did not return calls or emails.

Stacy Conner, a 35-year-old unemployed single mother who lives with her parents and other daughter, described Ashlynn as a cheerful and motivated “all-American girl” who loved to ride her bike and play at the park with her few close friends, some of whom also suffered bullying. An honor roll student, Ashlynn’s latest accomplishment was learning to play all the correct notes on her new tuba.

The bullying had started in third grade. “I cut her hair because she wanted it short, and the kids called her a ‘pretty boy,’ ” Conner said.

“She came home and said that she would never let me cut her hair again, and she never did. But, as I tell my kids, bullies will pick on you for one thing, you’ll fix it, and they’ll find something else. I don’t understand it.”

The harassment continued over the next few years, by both neighborhood children and Ashlynn’s schoolmates. Conner, who was also bullied as a child, said she tried her best to give Ashlynn advice.

“I would tell her that those kids think they’re better than you, but they’re not,” Conner said. “But she didn’t understand. Only a few weeks ago, she came home and said, ‘Mom, why does everyone hate me?’ That’s how deep it went. She felt like everybody hated her.”

Conner hadn’t spoken with school officials about the bullying, but said she had considered it after Ashlynn asked to be homeschooled the day before she took her life. Conner wishes she had stepped in sooner — and that Ashlynn’s teachers had taken her more seriously.

According to the American Association of Suicidology, suicide rates among 10- to 14-year-olds have skyrocketed more than 50 percent over the last three decades.

The recent rise in media coverage of bullying-related deaths reflects these statistics, and has inspired national movements like It Gets Better and Lady Gaga’s recently launched “Born This Way” foundation.

But it’s not getting better fast enough for too many young adults: Ashley Billasano, an 18-year-old from Houston, also killed herself last week after tweeting about her intentions 144 times. Not one follower responded.

“There should be a way for kids to speak anonymously about bullying, so that they don’t feel like they’ll get picked on for tattling,” said Brandon Wills, the 23-year-old founder of the Facebook page “Stop Bullying In Vermilion County,” which has gained almost 500 supporters in the past 24 hours.

Wills, who did not know Ashlynn personally, started the group to brainstorm ways to help local kids who aren’t getting the support they need from teachers or family. He said he had been contacted by other Ashlynn-related virtual memorial groups to discuss ways to help battle bullying on a local level.

Conner attended a candlelight vigil last night for her daughter, one of many taking place in the area this week. She said she is finding solace within the community and in Wicca, the pagan religious movement she has identified with for years in what she described as “more of a spiritual way.”

No other family members identify as Wiccan, and Conner said she did not believe Wicca had anything to do with Ashlynn’s harassment.

“I believe angels and spirits exist, and that even though Ashlynn’s not here with me, in the physical sense, she is with us in the spiritual sense,” Conner said. “She’s all around. I feel her. I know that she’s here.”

The race is on! During the holiday season, child safety procedures are imperative because of the large crowds we see everywhere. Everyone is engaged in the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season. Everyone. Not simply moms, dads, aunts and uncles looking for the perfect gifts, but child predators looking for their next victim as well. The large crowds present at shopping malls and department stores make their jobs much easier; there is more anonymity and more distractions for parents with children in tow. As a result, there are several safety precautions every shopping parent should take when accompanied by the children.

How does the Bullying/Victim Relationship Emerge?

Perhaps one of the most important things for teachers to remember is that bullies and victims do not necessarily enter the classroom with the destiny of becoming a bully or victim. Once the bully/victim relationship is set in place, however, it is hard to change. The two children may enter into complementary roles, in that the bully and victim react almost simultaneously to what each other are doing (Pepler, Craig & O’Connell, 1999). Often, these complementary actions can create positive feedback that helps to maintain the relationship. As time goes on, this interaction becomes more and more stable and harder to stop, especially if it is encouraged and supported by peers, a lack of empathy for the victim, and a lack of intervention on behalf of the teacher and/or school (Pepler et al., 1999). The entire classroom is in fact a part of the bullying dynamic: the children who gather to encourage the bully, the children who stand on the sidelines as passive bystanders, the children who run away the minute they see a confrontation, all tend to repeat these role over time (Craig & Pepler, 1995). Everybody eventually “knows” their position in the pattern. Teachers and administrators can alter the dynamic by taking a united stand against bullying behaviors, realizing that it can be a problem in any school, and that it is not just a “part of growing up,” and by making sure that the entire class knows what to do if they witness the emergence of a bully/victim relationship.

It is easiest for teachers to prevent bullying when they know the warning signs, but sometimes it is hard to see the dynamic in action. The bully may assume a certain posture and stand by the victim’s locker. Only the victim knows that this means: “give me your lunch money-or else!” Often the interactions occur far too quickly or are too subtle for a teacher who is preoccupied with twenty-eight other students to notice. Thus, considering the growing populations in our schools, it is important for the administration to make sure that its classrooms are adequately staffed with teachers and aides who understand the “symptoms” of the bully/victim relationship.

Also, at times, bullying behavior appears simply because children do not understand the full impact of their actions, and so it is important to make sure that kids know the rules at the beginning of the year. A successful preventative measure is to clearly explain the different kinds of bullying behavior and state that it will not be tolerated in this classroom. It is also important to tell children what to do if they are being bullied, if they see other children being bullied, or if they realize that they are bullying others: As every group of children is different, each teacher knows what procedure might be best for each class. It helps if teachers explain how “telling teachers about something important that they should know” is not always the same as “tattling.” It is critical for teachers to be open and sensitive to the needs of potential victims. Remember, a school that takes a firm and unified stand against this behavior is far more likely to prevent it! (Olweus, 1992; 1993).