Bully Prevention

Bullying is not limited to the schoolyard, nor to Facebook, nor simply to youth. Bullying exists just as easily in our adult lives, as anyone who has been part of an abusive relationship can attest to. However, an often overlooked form of bullying occurs in the workplace, and the Workplace Bullying Institute has compiled a ton of information and resources to support and help those who feel themselves being abused at work find relief and a way to confront the problem confidently.

The following passages have been borrowed from
http://www.workplacebullying.org/

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Being Bullied? Start Here
To help you get started, read the material below to make a difference in your health and your life. Please know two things:

You are not alone
You did not cause bullying to happen
Bullying is a systematic campaign of interpersonal destruction that jeopardizes your health, your career, the job you once loved. Bullying is a non-physical, non-homicidal form of violence and, because it is violence and abusive, emotional harm frequently results. You may not be the first person to have noticed that you were bullied.

Remember, you did not cause bullying to happen. We’ve broken down the major reasons why bullies bully. The primary reason bullying occurs so frequently in workplaces is that bullying is not yet illegal. Bullying is four times more common than either sexual harassment or racial discrimination on the job.

Should you confront the bully? If you could have, you would have. Instead, use the WBI-suggested 3-Step Method. Remember, put your health first. Don’t believe the lies told about you. Spend time with loved ones and friends. At times of debilitating stress like this, you must not be isolated. Isolation will only make the stress worse.

As we said, to date, no U.S. state has passed an anti-bullying law for the workplace.

Definition of Workplace Bullying

Workplace Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators that takes one or more of the following forms:

Verbal abuse
Offensive conduct/behaviors (including nonverbal) which are threatening, humiliating, or intimidating
Work interference — sabotage — which prevents work from getting done

Workplace Bullying…

-Is driven by perpetrators’ need to control the targeted individual(s).
-Is initiated by bullies who choose their targets, timing, location, and methods.
-Escalates to involve others who side with the bully, either voluntarily or through coercion.
-Undermines legitimate business interests when bullies’ personal agendas take precedence over work itself.
-Is akin to domestic violence at work, where the abuser is on the payroll.

Synonyms that reflect the seriousness of bullying: Psychological Violence, Psychological Harassment, Personal Harassment, ‘Status-Blind’ Harassment, Mobbing, Emotional Abuse at Work

Euphemisms intended to trivialize bullying and its impact on bullied people: Incivility, Disrespect, Difficult People, Personality Conflict, Negative Conduct, Ill Treatment

Not calling bullying “bullying,” in order to avoid offending the sensibilities of those who made the bullying possible, is a disservice to bullied individuals whose jobs, careers, and health have been threatened as the result. Tom Engelhardt said it wisely when he said, “Words denied mean analyses not offered, things not grasped, surprise not registered, strangeness not taken in, all of which means that terrible mistakes are repeated, wounding ways of acting in the world never seriously reconsidered. The words’ absence chains you to the present, to what’s accepted and acceptable.”
The Relation to Domestic Violence

Being bullied at work most closely resembles the experience of being a battered spouse. The abuser inflicts pain when and where she or he chooses, keeping the target (victim) off balance knowing that violence can happen on a whim, but dangling the hope that safety is possible during a period of peace of unknown duration. The target is kept close to the abuser by the nature of the relationship between them — husband to wife or boss to subordinate or co-worker to co-worker.

Early Signs of Bullying

You know you’ve been bullied at work when….

Experiences Outside Work

You feel like throwing up the night before the start of your work week
Your frustrated family demands that you to stop obsessing about work at home
Your doctor asks what could be causing your skyrocketing blood pressure and recent health problems, and tells you to change jobs
You feel too ashamed of being controlled by another person at work to tell your spouse or partner
All your paid time off is used for “mental health breaks” from the misery
Days off are spent exhausted and lifeless, your desire to do anything is gone
Your favorite activities and fun with family are no longer appealing or enjoyable
You begin to believe that you provoked the workplace cruelty
Experiences At Work

You attempt the obviously impossible task of doing a new job without training or time to learn new skills, but that work is never good enough for the boss
Surprise meetings are called by your boss with no results other than further humiliation
Everything your tormenter does to you is arbitrary and capricious, working a personal agenda that undermines the employer’s legitimate business interests
Others at work have been told to stop working, talking, or socializing with you
You are constantly feeling agitated and anxious, experiencing a sense of doom, waiting for bad things to happen
No matter what you do, you are never left alone to do your job without interference
People feel justified screaming or yelling at you in front of others, but you are punished if you scream back
HR tells you that your harassment isn’t illegal, that you have to “work it out between yourselves”
You finally, firmly confront your tormentor to stop the abusive conduct and you are accused of harassment
You are shocked when accused of incompetence, despite a history of objective excellence, typically by someone who cannot do your job
Everyone — co-workers, senior bosses, HR — agrees (in person and orally) that your tormentor is a jerk, but there is nothing they will do about it (and later, when you ask for their support, they deny having agreed with you)
Your request to transfer to an open position under another boss is mysteriously denied

It is important to keep the following quote (from within the article) while reading this post:

“This is not being done to victimize or criticize teachers. There are a few bad apples, but the vast majority of teachers go beyond the call of duty. They’re very committed and altruistic. Nevertheless, bullying is a risk…”

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Teachers Who Bully
The problem of teachers bullying students is more common than you think. Learn how to prevent your child from becoming a victim.
By Katherine Kam
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Charlotte E. Grayson Mathis, MD

In recent years, a slew of books have offered parents ample insight into the minds of young bullies.

But what if it’s the teacher who screams, threatens, or uses biting sarcasm to humiliate a child in front of the class?

Teacher bullying gets little attention, say Stuart Twemlow, MD, a psychiatrist who directs the Peaceful Schools and Communities Project at the Menninger Clinic in Houston. But his new study, published in The International Journal of Social Psychiatry, hints that the problem may be more common than people believe.

In his anonymous survey of 116 teachers at seven elementary schools, more than 70% said they believed that bullying was isolated. But 45% admitted to having bullied a student. “I was surprised at how many teachers were willing to be honest,” Twemlow says.

He defines teacher bullying as “using power to punish, manipulate, or disparage a student beyond what would be a reasonable disciplinary procedure.”

Twemlow, a former high school teacher, insists that he’s not trying to denigrate a praiseworthy — and often beleaguered — profession. “This is not being done to victimize or criticize teachers. There are a few bad apples, but the vast majority of teachers go beyond the call of duty. They’re very committed and altruistic.”

Nevertheless, bullying is a risk, he says. When Twemlow quizzed subjects about bullying, “Some teachers reported being angry at being asked the question,” he writes. “But more reflective teachers realized that bullying is a hazard of teaching.”
Problem Teacher

Robert Freeman, an elementary school principal in Fallon, Nev., agrees. He recalls one teacher who was a notorious bully. When he came onboard, “Other teachers inundated me with complaints about her,” he says. “One year, I got 16 requests from parents asking me not to put their child in her class.”

Freeman investigated and found a cruel streak. When elementary students asked for explanations during lessons, she sometimes retorted, “What’s the matter? Didn’t your parents give you the right genes?”
A Parent’s Dilemma

Jan, a New Jersey mother who asked not to use her real name to protect her privacy, says that bullying affects the student’s family, too. In high school, her son began complaining that the choir teacher had singled him out for tirades.

Like many parents who have had mostly positive relationships with teachers, Jan believed her son was overreacting. “We got into arguments at dinner. I told him, ‘Just stop it.’ It affected his mood and it affected our relationship.”

Before long, Jan herself saw signs of the teacher’s outbursts. One day, he phoned her during a choir rehearsal. “He said, ‘Your son is ruining this,'” Jan recalls. “I’m ready to kill my son. I’m driving there, and I’m ready to tell him he’s grounded. When I got there, the teacher said, ‘Oh, it’s fine.’
“He was already over it.”

The clincher came when Jan visited another family with a daughter in the choir. Jan was shocked when the girl said, “Oh, yeah, he totally picks on your son.”

Why didn’t Jan approach the teacher or principal? “I didn’t expect anything to come out of it. Everyone turned their heads because this teacher was so talented.”

Besides, the teacher was the gatekeeper for coveted choir trips. Jan worried, too, that he would bad-mouth her son to other teachers. “The teacher lunchroom, that’s where people talk about kids. So for the next four years, you’ve poisoned them.”

Jan concluded that the teacher was brilliant but volatile, and she’s unsure why was her son was a “lightning rod,” she says. Maybe it was a personality clash, she adds, because her younger daughter had no problems in his class.
Why Do Teachers Bully?

Teachers are human, and it’s unfair to expect them never to utter a hurtful word.

But teachers do bully for various reasons, experts tell WebMD. A student may remind them of someone they dislike. Or, in a surprising reversal of the “teacher’s pet” syndrome, insecure teachers may bully bright students out of envy.

Other teachers suffer from personal problems — job burnout, marital woes, or severe behavior problems with their own children — and they take out their frustrations in class.

Furthermore, in some troubled schools, students bully teachers — and teachers dish it back to avoid appearing weak. “Teachers are often physically scared of students,” Twemlow says.

Teacher bullying spans “the range of human behaviors,” Twemlow says. But he has been able to identify two categories: a “tiny minority” of sadistic teachers and the “bully-victim” teachers.

“The sadistic teacher hacks on kids in a way that indicates they might get some pleasure from it,” he says. That means “humiliating students, hurting students’ feelings, and being spiteful.” For example, he remembers one teacher who repeatedly ridiculed a boy by calling him a girl’s name.

In an ideal world, there would be screening methods to weed out such “nightmare teachers,” he says. “We basically feel that sadistic teachers shouldn’t be teachers.”

For the bully-victim teacher, there may be more hope, he says. “This is the type of teacher who usually is passive and lets a class get out of control and responds with rage and bullying. These bully-victim teachers are often absent from work, they fail to set limits, and they do a lot of referrals to the principal because they like other people to handle their problems.”

These teachers could benefit from training on effective classroom management, he says.

Men and women are equally likely to bully, Twemlow says, but his study didn’t look at whether their tactics differed.

One interesting finding: Teachers who bully were often bullied themselves in childhood. As Twemlow’s study co-researcher, Peter Fonagy, PhD, noted in a news release: “If your early experiences lead you to expect that people will not reason, but respond to force, then you are at risk of recreating this situation in your classroom.”
Advice for Parents

When abuse is physical, most parents don’t hesitate to report the offending teacher, Freeman says. But many see emotional or verbal bullying as a gray area. They worry that speaking up could cause a teacher to take revenge on their child — and there’s little escape. “It really is on a different level than kid-to-kid bullying,” Twemlow says. “The kid has no power.”

Don’t ignore the problem, experts say. Here are some tips for handling the issue of teacher bullying:
Develop a Habit of Talking Openly About School With Your Child

Because children view teachers as authority figures, they often won’t tell their parents if they’re being mistreated. Parents who don’t talk with their children won’t know about bullying until grades drop or a child becomes depressed, Twemlow says.

Keep an eye out for such behavior changes. Also, probe for details if your child says, “Mrs. So-and-So doesn’t like me,” says Janet Belsky, PhD, a Middle Tennessee State University psychology professor. That’s especially true if a child rarely complains of mistreatment by others.

Volunteering in class also allows a parent to keep an eye on the situation and develop a relationship with the teacher.
Talk With the Teacher in a Nonadversarial Manner

If parents suspect a problem, they should meet with the teacher without “screaming or threatening attorneys,” Twemlow says. Avoid blaming and keep an open mind. After all, a child may have misinterpreted a teacher’s behavior.

Take a cooperative approach, says Mark Weiss, education director for Operation Respect, a New York-based nonprofit organization that deals with bullying. A parent can say, “‘I’m concerned. I think my child’s afraid in this class. What do you think is going on?’ The teacher is then able to engage in the conversation.”

Don’t bring a young child, Twemlow adds, but it’s fine to include a teenager “who needs to be treated more like an adult.” Always tell your child beforehand that you’re seeing the teacher, he says. That way, he or she won’t be embarrassed to find out after the fact.

A teacher meeting often solves the problem, Twemlow says. But not always. “A master bully will rationalize,” Freeman says, and nothing changes.
Take Your Complaint Higher

If the situation doesn’t improve, ask the principal to intervene. It may pay to ask for a classroom transfer, Freeman says. Not all principals honor such requests, but some do.

Some principals let bully teachers go unchallenged, he adds. Then parents may have to go up the chain of command, for example, by filing a formal complaint with the school superintendent or school board and demanding a response. They should also keep good records of all communications and incidents.
Reassure Your Child

Resolving a bullying issue can be difficult, so support your child, Weiss says. “Let your child know that you care and that you want to do something — that in life we try to do things and sometimes it takes more than one shot at it.”

But don’t let the situation drag on for months, Belsky says. “You want to try to nip it in the bud.”

from education.com
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Parent – School Collaboration

A partnership between parents and the school to prevent bullying behaviors is based on a shared understanding of bullying, policies of the school and basic intervention strategies.

Schools are encouraged to provide information and resources for parents to talk with their children about bullying.

When the school and parents initiate conversations with children about bullying in general terms, children know that they also can discuss this issue

Parents and school staff are encouraged to take the issue of bullying seriously if a child has experienced bullying as a bully, target or bystander by following up with one another to have a conversation about what has been observed or reported.

It is often true that adults may not be aware of the bullying behaviors as bullying most often occurs where adults are not present. Either the school staff or a parent may be the first to know about an incident based on a report from the child or a circumstance where they happen to see, hear or become aware of bullying. Parents should not assume that the behavior has been reported or observed by adults in the school.

Concerns about bullying issues at school can generally be addressed when parents talk with the classroom teacher, school counselor or building administrator.

Parents and school staff should be familiar with the school anti-bullying policy and any related policies or programs and address bullying behaviors using the appropriate process. When making a report, it is helpful to provide a clear and detailed description of what has been observed or experienced. All reports should be taken seriously and acted on using established policy and procedures.

Reporting Procedures

Refer to the school district’s anti-bullying policy and reporting procedures for guidance on the local process to make a report. If that is not available, typically the following procedure is appropriate. Generally, reporting bullying behaviors to the school begins with the classroom teacher or building administrator and proceeds to the next contacts only if the issue is not resolved.

Report to the classroom teacher, school counselor and/or the building administrator (principal)

Report to the district superintendent

Report to the district school board

If the bullying behavior involves criminal conduct (theft, assault, battery, etc), use the following reporting procedure in addition to notification to the school.

Report to local law enforcement

Contact the county attorney

Advice for parents and family members of children who engage in bullying behaviors

Consider this a serious behavior concern and let your child know in a calm manner that the behavior is not acceptable.

Attempt conversation with your child to discuss more acceptable behaviors. Give your child opportunities to practice the expected behaviors.

Often children who engage in bullying behaviors do not recognize and respond to the feelings of others appropriately. Provide opportunities to teach your child skills in empathy – recognizing and responding to another person’s feelings. Literature and movies offer resources for generating discussions about emotions.

If the school contacts you regarding the behavior of your child, be prepared to work with the school to help change the behaviors of your child. A collaborative plan that is implemented at both home and school will have greater impact on changing behaviors.

Encourage and model respectful behaviors for your child.

Advice for parents and family members of a child who has been bullied or witnessed bullying

Keep communication lines open so there is a comfort level in reporting an incident. Encourage your child, whether a target or a bystander, to report any bullying behavior to you. Acknowledge the child’s feelings and let the child know that reporting was the right thing to do.

Do not dismiss the situation by asking the child to ignore the bullying or take care of it on their own. Adult support is a key component to changing bullying situations and keeping children safe.

Explore ideas and alternatives to address the situation. Ask what the child has done to try to stop the bullying. Generate a list of additional ideas for stopping the behavior; i.e., stay in safe or supervised areas, develop and practice assertive statements, know how to make a report, identify other children or teachers who can offer support or help, etc. Fighting back and ignoring the situation are not helpful and should not be on the list of ideas for stopping bullying.

Decide if the problem should be solved in collaboration with the school. Discuss with your child how the incident could be reported to school personnel if the behavior occurs at school or impacts the learning environment. Decide who should know – consider the protocol in your local school policy and any staff members who your child can trust. Be accurate in reporting the details of the incident.

Do not confront the child or parents of the child who bullies.

Involve your child in social activities that provide opportunities to build relationships and develop pro-social skills.