Bully Prevention

techniques from stopbullying.org

Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intentional
and that involves an imbalance of power or
strength. Often, it is repeated over time and can
take many forms. In many respects, research on
bullying prevention is still in its infancy. Although
researchers have documented success of some
comprehensive programs in reducing bullying, we
still have much to learn about which aspects of
these programs are most important.
However, a review of existing bullying prevention
programs and feedback from educators in the field
led us to suggest ten strategies that represent “best
practices” in bullying prevention and intervention.
1. Focus on the social environment of
the school. To reduce bullying, it is important
to change the climate of the school and the social
norms with regard to bullying. It must become
“uncool” to bully, “cool” to help out students who
are bullied, and normative for staff and students
to notice when a child is bullied or left out. This
requires the efforts of everyone in the school
environment—teachers, administrators, counselors,
other non-teaching staff (such as bus drivers,
nurses, school resource officers, custodians,
cafeteria workers, and school librarians), parents,
and students.
2. Assess bullying at your school. Intuitively
adults are not always very good at estimating the
nature and extent of bullying at their school.
Frequently we are quite surprised by the amount
of bullying that students experience, the types of
bullying that are most common, or the “hot spots”
where bullying happens. As a result, it is often quite
useful to assess bullying by administering an
anonymous questionnaire to students about
bullying. What are the possible benefits of
conducting a survey of students?
• Findings can help motivate adults to take action
against bullying;
• Data can help administrators and other educators
tailor a bullying prevention strategy to the
particular needs of the school; and
• Data can serve as a baseline from which
administrators and other educators can measure
their progress in reducing bullying.
3. Garner staff and parent support for
bullying prevention. Bullying prevention should
not be the sole responsibility of an administrator,
counselor, teacher—or any single individual at a
school. To be most effective, bullying prevention
efforts require buy-in from the majority of the staff
and from parents.
4. Form a group to coordinate the school’s
bullying prevention activities. Bullying
prevention efforts seem to work best if they are
coordinated by a representative group from the
school. This coordinating team (which might
include an administrator, a teacher from each
grade, a member of the non-teaching staff, a school
counselor or other school-based mental health
professional, a school nurse, and a parent) should
meet regularly to digest data from the school
survey described in Strategy 2; plan bullying
prevention rules, policies, and activities; motivate
staff, students, and parents; and ensure that the
efforts continue over time. A student advisory
group also can be formed to focus on bullying
prevention and provide valuable suggestions and
feedback to adults.
5. Train your staff in bullying prevention.
All administrators, faculty, and staff at your school
should be trained in bullying prevention and
intervention. In-service training can help staff to
better understand the nature of bullying and its
effects, how to respond if they observe bullying,
and how to work with others at the school to help
prevent bullying from occurring. Training should
not be available only for teaching staff. Rather,
administrators should make an effort to educate all
adults in the school environment who interact with
students (including counselors, media specialists,
school resource officers, nurses, lunchroom and
recess aides, bus drivers, parent volunteers,
custodians, and cafeteria workers).
6. Establish and enforce school rules and
policies related to bullying. Although many
school behavior codes implicitly forbid bullying,
many codes do not use the term or make explicit
our expectations for student behavior. It is important
to make clear that the school not only expects
students not to bully, but that it also expects them to
be good citizens, not passive bystanders, if they are
aware of bullying or students who appear troubled,
possibly from bullying. Developing simple, clear
rules about bullying can help to ensure that students
are aware of adults’ expectations that they refrain
from bullying and help students who are bullied. For
example, one comprehensive program, the Olweus
Bullying Prevention Program (see resources section
on the Web site) recommends that schools adopt
four straightforward rules about bullying:
• We will not bully others.
• We will try to help students who are bullied.
• We will make it a point to include students
who are easily left out.
• If we know someone is being bullied, we will
tell an adult at school and an adult at home.
School rules and policies should be posted and
discussed with students and parents. Appropriate
positive and negative consequences also should
be developed for following or not following the
school’s rules.
7. Increase adult supervision in hot spots
where bullying occurs. Bullying tends to thrive
in locations where adults are not present or are not
vigilant. Once school personnel have identified hot
spots for bullying from the student questionnaires,
look for creative ways to increase adults’ presence
in these locations.
8. Intervene consistently and appropriately
in bullying situations. All staff should be able to
intervene effectively on the spot to stop bullying
(i.e.., in the 1–2 minutes that one frequently has to
deal with bullying). Designated staff should also
hold sensitive follow-up meetings with children
who are bullied and (separately) with children who
bully. Staff should involve parents of affected
students whenever possible.
9. Focus some class time on bullying
prevention. It is important that bullying
prevention programs include a classroom
component. Teachers (with the support of
administrators) should set aside 20–30 minutes
each week (or every other week) to discuss bullying
and peer relations with students. These meetings
help teachers to keep their fingers on the pulse
of students’ concerns, allow time for candid
discussions about bullying and the harm that it
can cause, and provide tools for students to address
bullying problems. Anti-bullying themes and
messages also can be incorporated throughout the
school curriculum.
10. Continue these efforts over time. There
should be no “end date” for bullying prevention
activities. Bullying prevention should be woven into
the entire school environment.

from          www.stopcyberbullying.org

WHAT IS IT?

“Cyberbullying” is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. It has to have a minor on both sides, or at least have been instigated by a minor against another minor. Once adults become involved, it is plain and simple cyber-harassment or cyberstalking. Adult cyber-harassment or cyberstalking is NEVER called cyberbullying.

It isn’t when adult are trying to lure children into offline meetings, that is called sexual exploitation or luring by a sexual predator. But sometimes when a minor starts a cyberbullying campaign it involves sexual predators who are intrigued by the sexual harassment or even ads posted by the cyberbullying offering up the victim for sex.

The methods used are limited only by the child’s imagination and access to technology. And the cyberbully one moment may become the victim the next. The kids often change roles, going from victim to bully and back again.

Children have killed each other and committed suicide after having been involved in a cyberbullying incident.

Cyberbullying is usually not a one time communication, unless it involves a death threat or a credible threat of serious bodily harm. Kids usually know it when they see it, while parents may be more worried about the lewd language used by the kids than the hurtful effect of rude and embarrassing posts.

Cyberbullying may rise to the level of a misdemeanor cyberharassment charge, or if the child is young enough may result in the charge of juvenile delinquency. Most of the time the cyberbullying does not go that far, although parents often try and pursue criminal charges. It typically can result in a child losing their ISP or IM accounts as a terms of service violation. And in some cases, if hacking or password and identity theft is involved, can be a serious criminal matter under state and federal law.

When schools try and get involved by disciplining the student for cyberbullying actions that took place off-campus and outside of school hours, they are often sued for exceeding their authority and violating the student’s free speech right. They also, often lose. Schools can be very effective brokers in working with the parents to stop and remedy cyberbullying situations. They can also educate the students on cyberethics and the law. If schools are creative, they can sometimes avoid the claim that their actions exceeded their legal authority for off-campus cyberbullying actions. We recommend that a provision is added to the school’s acceptable use policy reserving the right to discipline the student for actions taken off-campus if they are intended to have an effect on a student or they adversely affect the safety and well-being of student while in school. This makes it a contractual, not a constitutional, issue.

Why do kids cyberbully each other?

Who knows why kids do anything? When it comes to cyberbullying, they are often motivated by anger, revenge or frustration. Sometimes they do it for entertainment or because they are bored and have too much time on their hands and too many tech toys available to them. Many do it for laughs or to get a reaction. Some do it by accident, and either send a message to the wrong recipient or didn’t think before they did something. The Power-hungry do it to torment others and for their ego. Revenge of the nerd may start out defending themselves from traditional bullying only to find that they enjoy being the tough guy or gal. Mean girls do it to help bolster or remind people of their own social standing. And some think they are righting wrong and standing up for others.

Because their motives differ, the solutions and responses to each type of cyberbullying incident has to differ too. Unfortunately, there is no “one size fits all” when cyberbullying is concerned. Only two of the types of cyberbullies have something in common with the traditional schoolyard bully. Experts who understand schoolyard bullying often misunderstand cyberbullying, thinking it is just another method of bullying. But the motives and the nature of cybercommunications, as well as the demographic and profile of a cyberbully differ from their offline counterpart.

Preventing cyberbullying

Educating the kids about the consequences (losing their ISP or IM accounts) helps. Teaching them to respect others and to take a stand against bullying of all kinds helps too.

How can you stop it once it starts?
Because their motives differ, the solutions and responses to each type of cyberbullying incident has to differ too. Unfortunately, there is no “one size fits all” when cyberbullying is concerned. Only two of the types of cyberbullies have something in common with the traditional schoolyard bully. Experts who understand schoolyard bullying often misunderstand cyberbullying, thinking it is just another method of bullying. But the motives and the nature of cybercommunications, as well as the demographic and profile of a cyberbully differ from their offline counterpart.

What is the school’s role in this? 
When schools try and get involved by disciplining the student for cyberbullying actions that took place off-campus and outside of school hours, they are often sued for exceeding their authority and violating the student’s free speech right.
[Learn more...]

What’s the parents’ role in this?
Parents need to be the one trusted place kids can go when things go wrong online and offline. Yet they often are the one place kids avoid when things go wrong online.Why? Parents tend to overreact. Most children will avoid telling their parents about a cyberbullying incident fearing they will only make things worse. (Calling the other parents, the school, blaming the victim or taking away Internet privileges.) Unfortunately, they also sometimes underreact, and rarely get it “just right.” (You can read more about this in “Not Too Hot, Not Too Cold! Goldilocks and the CyberParents”)

Parents need to be supportive of your child during this time. You may be tempted to give the “stick and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you” lecture, but words and cyberattacks can wound a child easily and have a lasting effect. These attacks follow them into your otherwise safe home and wherever they go online. And when up to 700 million accomplices can be recruited to help target or humiliate your child, the risk of emotional pain is very real, and very serious. Don’t brush it off.

Let the school know so the guidance counselor can keep an eye out for in-school bullying and for how your child is handling things. You may want to notify your pediatrician,  family counselor or clergy for support if things progress. It is crucial that you are there to provide the necessary support and love. Make them feel secure. Children have committed suicide after having been cyberbullied, and in Japan one young girl killed another after a cyberbullying incident. Take it seriously.

Parents also need to understand that a child is just as likely to be a cyberbully as a victim of cyberbullying and often go back and forth between the two roles during one incident. They may not even realize that they are seen as a cyberbully. (You can learn more about this under the “Inadvertent Cyberbully” profile of a cyberbully.)

We have a quick guide to what to do if your child is being cyberbullied: Your actions have to escalate as the threat and hurt to your child does. But there are two things you must consider before anything else. Is your child at risk of physical harm or assault? And how are they handling the attacks emotionally?  

If there is any indication that personal contact information has been posted online, or any threats are made to your child, you must run.do not walk, to your local law enforcement agency (not the FBI). Take a print-out of all instances of cyberbullying to show them, but note that a print-out is not sufficient to prove a case of cyber-harassment or cyberbullying. You’ll need electronic evidence and live data for that. (You may want to answer the questions on our checklist for helping spot the difference between annoying communications and potentially dangerous ones. But remember, if in doubt, report it.)

Let the law enforcement agency know that the trained cyber-harassment volunteers at WiredSafety.org will work with them (without charge) to help them find the cyberbully offline and to evaluate the case. It is crucial that all electronic evidence is preserved to allow the person to be traced and to take whatever action needs to be taken. The electronic evidence is at risk for being deleted by the Internet service providers unless you reach out and notify them that you need those records preserved. The police or volunteers at WiredSafety.org can advise you how to do that quickly. Using a monitoring product, like Spectorsoft, collects all electronic data necessary to report, investigate and prosecute your case (if necessary). While hopefully you will never need it, the evidence is automatically saved by the software in a form useable by law enforcement when you need it without you having to learn to log or copy header and IP information.

The race is on! During the holiday season, child safety procedures are imperative because of the large crowds we see everywhere. Everyone is engaged in the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season. Everyone. Not simply moms, dads, aunts and uncles looking for the perfect gifts, but child predators looking for their next victim as well. The large crowds present at shopping malls and department stores make their jobs much easier; there is more anonymity and more distractions for parents with children in tow. As a result, there are several safety precautions every shopping parent should take when accompanied by the children.

How does the Bullying/Victim Relationship Emerge?

Perhaps one of the most important things for teachers to remember is that bullies and victims do not necessarily enter the classroom with the destiny of becoming a bully or victim. Once the bully/victim relationship is set in place, however, it is hard to change. The two children may enter into complementary roles, in that the bully and victim react almost simultaneously to what each other are doing (Pepler, Craig & O’Connell, 1999). Often, these complementary actions can create positive feedback that helps to maintain the relationship. As time goes on, this interaction becomes more and more stable and harder to stop, especially if it is encouraged and supported by peers, a lack of empathy for the victim, and a lack of intervention on behalf of the teacher and/or school (Pepler et al., 1999). The entire classroom is in fact a part of the bullying dynamic: the children who gather to encourage the bully, the children who stand on the sidelines as passive bystanders, the children who run away the minute they see a confrontation, all tend to repeat these role over time (Craig & Pepler, 1995). Everybody eventually “knows” their position in the pattern. Teachers and administrators can alter the dynamic by taking a united stand against bullying behaviors, realizing that it can be a problem in any school, and that it is not just a “part of growing up,” and by making sure that the entire class knows what to do if they witness the emergence of a bully/victim relationship.

It is easiest for teachers to prevent bullying when they know the warning signs, but sometimes it is hard to see the dynamic in action. The bully may assume a certain posture and stand by the victim’s locker. Only the victim knows that this means: “give me your lunch money-or else!” Often the interactions occur far too quickly or are too subtle for a teacher who is preoccupied with twenty-eight other students to notice. Thus, considering the growing populations in our schools, it is important for the administration to make sure that its classrooms are adequately staffed with teachers and aides who understand the “symptoms” of the bully/victim relationship.

Also, at times, bullying behavior appears simply because children do not understand the full impact of their actions, and so it is important to make sure that kids know the rules at the beginning of the year. A successful preventative measure is to clearly explain the different kinds of bullying behavior and state that it will not be tolerated in this classroom. It is also important to tell children what to do if they are being bullied, if they see other children being bullied, or if they realize that they are bullying others: As every group of children is different, each teacher knows what procedure might be best for each class. It helps if teachers explain how “telling teachers about something important that they should know” is not always the same as “tattling.” It is critical for teachers to be open and sensitive to the needs of potential victims. Remember, a school that takes a firm and unified stand against this behavior is far more likely to prevent it! (Olweus, 1992; 1993).

by Rae Pica

Besides lack of time, the reason most often given by school administrators for revoking recess is that there’s too much bullying and bad behavior taking place on the playground during recess. Well, that may be so. But is eliminating recess the solution to the problem? If we were to follow the same logic, we would likewise eliminate math or language arts if students were failing in those topics.

Chances are, a bully is a bully is a bully. And somewhere, somehow, the behavior is going to show itself. We’re not eradicating the problem by eradicating recess. On the other hand, if we do see a pattern of bullying on the playground, we’re alerted to the fact that there’s a child in need of help.

Besides, there are alternatives. They may take more time and effort than simply whisking the problem under the rug, but time and effort are part and parcel of educating children. Following are some ideas:

Have more adults on the playground. In some places this has been accomplished when a mom’s efforts drew the attention of other parents, who volunteered to help out with recess.

Provide training in conflict resolution. When children are unable to resolve conflicts on their own, teachers, paraprofessionals, and parent volunteers should know how and when to intervene.

Provide “playground” training.The American Association for the Child’s Right to Play offers tips for a safe and friendly environment on its website and also provides training for “playground teacher specialists” in the schools. Physical education teachers can do similar training. When children and adults know how to use the space and equipment – and have been taught plenty of games to play – there are likely to be fewer problems during recess.

Offer recess before lunch. Chip Wood, in his book Time to Teach, Time to Learn: Changing the Pace of School, recommends restructuring the middle of the day so that recess precedes lunch. Wood has found that when children are allowed to first work up an appetite, eat lunch, and then have some quiet time, they’re “more productive and engaged in the afternoon.”

Rae Pica is a children’s physical activity specialist and the author of A Running Start: How Play, Physical Activity, and Free Time Create a Successful Child (Da Capo Press, 2006) and Great Games for Young Children (Gryphon House, 2006). She has shared her expertise with such clients as the Sesame Street Research Department, the Centers for Disease Control, Gymboree Play & Music, and the President’s Council on Physical Fitness & Sports. She is also co-creator and host of “Body, Mind and Child,” a radio program in which she interviews experts in the fields of early childhood education, child development, the neurosciences, and more. Listen at www.bodymindandchild.com.

Is There Anything We Can Do About Bullying?

Although bullying is not a normal part of childhood, it’s a serious and common problem that can drastically affect the ability of children – bullies and their victims alike – to progress academically, emotionally and socially. This publication explains what bullying is, discusses the interaction of bullies and their victims, and suggests how to respond to and curtail bullying.

Bullying is a common occurrence during childhood. It is most frequently seen in school, but it also occurs in the home, at clubs, and during sports activities. As many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years, and 10% are bullied on a regular basis. Boys are more commonly involved in bullying than girls–both as bully and victim. Some children learn well how to control and manipulate others and begin to enjoy doing so. These actions may set a pattern for how children will behave as adults. Children who are bullied suffer emotionally or physically and usually do so in silence for fear that the bullies will get back at them.

What is bullying?

Bullying is any kind of ongoing physical or verbal mistreatment where there is unequal power between two or more people, such as bigger children picking on smaller ones or bullying a child who is thought to be different. It occurs when a child purposely and repeatedly holds power over another with the intent of hurting another.

A wide range of physical or verbal behaviors can be described as bullying:
• Insulting
• Teasing
• Verbally and physically abusing
• Threatening
• Humiliating
• Harassing
• Gossiping
• Spreading rumors
• Rejecting, and
• Excluding.

Boys tend to use physical intimidation and threats regardless of the gender of their victims. Girls often target other girls and are likely to use such indirect strategies as spreading rumors. While victims tend to be upset about the incident, bullies are matter-of-fact, stating that “the kid was asking for it” or “it didn’t really hurt.”

Who are the children who bully others?

Children who bully typically have a need to feel powerful and in control. They get enjoyment from hurting others and making them suffer. They have little compassion for those they bully, and often defend their actions by saying that their victims “made” them act as they did.

Bullies often (but not always) come from homes where physical punishment is used, children are taught to fight back physically, and parental involvement and warmth are missing. They may come from homes where there are family financial and other problems. These children may be depressed or angry or upset about events at school or home. Bullying may also be modeled by other children; children often repeat the behaviors they witness.

Children who bully appear to have little anxiety and a strong self-esteem. They work through fear and manipulation, intimidating others by threatening to harm them, calling them names if the victim tells anybody what is occurring.

Which children are likely to be bullied?

Bullies tend to pick on those who are quiet and sensitive or stand out in some way (they’re taller or shorter, they wear braces, they’re overweight or have a disability). Bullied children often have a hard time defending themselves because they’re not confident in their physical abilities and strength. Children who are irritating and annoying and who seek negative attention from their peers also tend to get picked on.

Children who are bullied usually have few friends to help defend them in a bullying situation. (The friends they do have may be afraid to step in for fear of being targeted as well.) They tend to be close to their parents, who may be overprotective. A child who is bullied is often ashamed or afraid to tell an adult about the bullying. Many bullied children think that adults will not help them and that telling on the bully will only bring more harm.

Bullying in preschool

Bullying behavior can be seen as early as preschool. Preschool-age children may bully others to get attention, show off, or get what they want (toys, clothing, playground equipment). They might be jealous of the children they are bullying. They may also be getting bullied themselves. When preschoolers begin to call people names or use unkind words, intervene immediately and consistently to teach acceptable behavior.

Bullying in elementary/infants/junior school

Younger children are bullied more often than older children. University of Michigan researchers found that 8-year-old children who had been identified as bullies in their schools were often bullies for the rest of their lives.

Children usually bully because they are being bullied or want to show off. They may also bully because they’re angry or upset or bored.

In kindergarten, children learn the power of exclusion. It may be common to hear things like, “She’s not my friend and can’t come to my birthday party.” Adults might respond, “You don’t have to be her friend right now, but it is not okay to hurt her feelings by telling her she can’t come to your party.” In early elementary grades, cliques may contribute to cruel behavior, and children may be cruel to one another. Children need to hear such things as, “It’s not okay for you to treat others that way.”

Bullying in adolescence

Many teens tease their peers to go along with the crowd but feel uncomfortable doing so. Those who report bullying others often state that they are themselves bullied. In the U.S., approximately 1.6 million children in grades 6 through 10 are bullied at least once a week. When made fun of, rejected or bullied, some teens turn to violence.

In early adolescence, especially in the sixth grade, when students are trying to fit in with others, there’s an increase in teasing and bullying. Once peer groups have formed, many bullying behaviors go away. Bullying is most frequent and most severe in middle school, and declines in high school. Youth who bully are typically popular up to the ages of 14 or 15; however, when such bullies reach their late teens, their popularity typically declines.

• I’d like to interject here, if I may, because this last statement does seem to pick up on some of my own observations, in that, bullying almost seems self perpetuating for some children. Youths who bully openly, would, you might think, be shunned by the other children, but this doesn’t seem to be the case. Children are drawn to bullies, perhaps in the hope that they won’t become a target, or for protection from another bully, or to increase their own position in the ‘pecking order’ of the playground. The bully, sees this behaviour as an endorsement, and can often be seen to turn on many of these ‘soldiers’ in a playful way that keeps them in line and reinforces his/her position as head of the pack. Phil.

What are the consequences of bullying?

Being bullied can have such serious short-term effects as depression, withdrawal from friends and family and declining school performance, including not wanting to go to school at all. Long-term effects may interfere with children’s social, academic, and emotional development. In extreme cases, victims may be so upset that they are suicidal. The sooner the bullying is stopped, the better the long-term outcome for those who are bullied.

Children who bully tend to become aggressive adults who stand a much higher chance than non-bullies of racking up multiple criminal convictions.

Bullying may cause anxiety in bystanders. Children who observe violent behavior and see that the bully is not punished will be more likely to use aggression in the future.

What can parents do to help bully-proof their children?

• Encourage friendships. Children who don’t have friends tend to be vulnerable to bullies. Start early in helping your child build social skills and make friendships.
• Teach your children to express themselves clearly yet tactfully. Help your child use “I statements” (e.g., “I am upset because I feel that you are picking on me”). Such “I statements” explain how people feel. When children know how to express themselves without offending others, they tend to be popular with their peers, and that will keep bullies away.
• Teach self-respect. A confident child is not likely to become the victim of a bully.

• Stress the importance of body language. Teach your child to be assertive by relaxing his body (deep breathing helps), keeping his hands steady, and using frequent eye contact. These tricks will help children seem self-assured even when they are not.
• Start teaching the art of negotiation early. The preschool years are the best time to begin teaching children to settle their own disputes and solve problems. For example, when your child is fighting over a toy with another child, let them discuss how they can share the toy; let them talk about what can be done to solve the problem.

What are some helpful strategies for talking with a child who has been bullied?

• Help your child be self-confident. Help your child practice what to say to the bullies so he or she will be prepared the next time. Teach her to tell bullies that their actions won’t be tolerated. However, some bullies feed on responses, so your child should assert himself just once. If it doesn’t work, tell your child to do something else so that the bullying doesn’t escalate.
• Don’t encourage your child to fight the bully.
• Tell your child it is not her fault and that she did the right thing by telling you.
• Ask your child what she thinks should be done. What has she tried? What worked and what didn’t? Make it clear that she should never be ashamed to ask for help. Encourage your child to report the bullying to her teachers, guidance counselors, or other responsible adults.
• Teach your child to avoid situations when necessary. Tell him to avoid the bullies by taking different routes to and from school. Since it may only delay the bullying attempts, this approach should not be looked at as a long-term solution. Instead, it should be looked at in terms of safety–a way to avoid immediate harm.

If your child becomes withdrawn, depressed, or reluctant to go to school, or if you see a decline in performance, consultation with or intervention by a school counselor or guidance office, for example, may be needed. A child and adolescent psychiatrist or other mental health professional can help you, your child, other family members and school officials develop a plan to deal with the bullying. Seeking professional assistance early can lessen the risk of lasting emotional scars for your child.

When should an adult intervene?

If you observe a child being bullied, watch to see whether the child is able to handle the situation herself. Then talk to the victim and commend her for handling the situation well. You may also want to talk to the bully to express to him that his behavior was inappropriate.

However, if the victim is not able to handle the situation alone, intervene. Depending on the situation, you may want to discuss the bully’s action with his parents or a school official or both.

What can we do to help our child if he bullies others?

Although we don’t like to think that our child could be a bully, we must face reality if it happens. Here are some suggestions for parents and caregivers responsible for a child who is bullying others.

• Make sure your child isn’t witnessing violence between members of your family. Modeling aggressive behavior at home can lead to violence by the child against others at school and later on in life.
• Talk to your child, his teachers and school administrators. Children who bully try to deny or minimize their wrongdoings. Cooperate with the school to help change your child’s aggressive behavior. Talk frequently with teachers and administrators to find out how he’s doing in changing his behavior.
• Make it clear that bullying will not be tolerated. Tell your child you will not allow such actions, and state the consequences. If the problem occurs at school, tell him that you respect the school’s right to punish him if it persists.
• Have your child walk in the victim’s shoes. Discuss how it feels to be bullied. How would he feel if it happened to him?
• Increase your supervision of your child’s activities and whereabouts. Find out who he’s associating with. Spend time with him and set reasonable rules for and limits on activities.
• Praise (lots of it!) the efforts your child makes toward becoming non-violent and responsible.

If your child is bullying others, it is important to seek help for him as soon as possible. Without intervention, bullying can lead to serious academic, social, emotional, and legal problems for the bully as well as for the victim. Talk to your child’s principal and teachers, school counselor, and pediatrician or family physician. If the bullying continues, have your child evaluated by a children’s psychiatrist or other mental health professional Such an evaluation can help you and your child understand what’s behind the bullying and develop a plan to stop it.

Conclusion

Bullying is a serious problem that can drastically affect the ability of children to progress academically, emotionally, and socially. Children who bully or are bullied often need intensive support and intervention. An intervention program that involves all–students, parents and school staff–ensures that all children can learn to cooperate in a safe and fear-free environment. When everyone works together to discourage bullying and responds to incidents, the surroundings become more positive, and everyone feels safer.

Online resources
A fact sheet from About Our Kids: www.aboutourkids.org/articles/bullies.html

University of Nebraska-Lincoln (fact sheet): www.ianr.unl.edu/pubs/family/nf309.htm

Acknowledgments
The authors are grateful to the following colleagues for their contributions and suggestions.
Dede Baker Director of the Child Development Center, MSU – Bozeman
Rae Lynn Benson Lincoln County Extension Agent
Janis Bullock Associate Professor, Montana State University – Bozeman
Cameron Clark Madison/Jefferson County Extension Agent
Sheila Fredrich Sheridan County Extension Agent
Wes Gibbs Judith Basin County Extension Agent
Phyllis Hansen Yellowstone County Expanded Nutrition Education Program
Steve Hutton Pondera County Extension Agent
Harold Johns Silver Bow County Extension Agent
Sandra Osborne Associate Professor, Montana State University – Bozeman
Bobbie Roos Daniels County Extension Agent
Jane Wolery Choteau County Extension Agent

Standing up to Bullies, Travel in Groups, Stop School Violence

Middle school is tough enough without having to deal with bullies. You have the right to go to school in a place where you feel safe. People who physically (by using their bodies) or verbally (with their words) abuse you are bullies. If you feel threatened by someone at your school it’s time to take action. The ideas below are from people your age who have been bullied. None of the ideas they shared were easy to put into action. Each person showed incredible courage, but their courage paid off. The bullying stopped and they were able to feel safe again.

How do I deal with bullies?

That’s enough! Bullies will continue to abuse you until someone says, “that’s enough.” If you can’t say the words, than tell someone who can. All bullies are the same no matter how old they are. Unless someone tells them to stop they believe what they are doing is ok.

Travel with a group. Bullies like to take advantage of their victims when they are alone. When you are with a group bullies lose their courage because they are afraid of what the group could do if they chose to stand up and take action.

Ask for help. If you feel like you can’t go to a friend or adult and verbally ask them for help, try writing a short note that names the bully and what you don’t like about the way you are being treated. Remember, nothing changes unless someone knows you need help. Teachers are more aware of bullies now than they have been in the past, so think about asking a teacher for help.

Violence isn’t the solution. You may have heard about people in middle school and high school, who used violence to stop a bully. Using violence puts everyone in danger, including you. If you are thinking about hurting someone remember how you felt about being abused. Don’t become a bully yourself.

What we know about bullies

• Bullies like to take advantage of people who don’t stand up for themselves. They look for people who won’t say or do anything to stop them.
• Bullies want to make people feel afraid because they often feel afraid too.
• Bullies fear being disliked and abused. Some bullies have themselves, been abused by their classmates or by adults.
• Bullies fear being made fun of by their friends. They pick on other people so their friends will think they are cool.
• Bullies need a group of friends to continue. When bullies lose their friends they stop.
• Bullies need your help if they are going to learn how to stop. Take action and stop bullies from hurting other kids.

By Brenda High, Director, Bully Police USA

Contrary to what many people believe, bullying is an adult problem, not a child’s problem.  Adults are entirely to blame for bullying in our schools because they do not stop it.  Bullies bully because they can, and because they can get away with it and adults decide when, and who will get away with bullying.

Bullying is not a “part of growing up” or even “boys will be boys” problem.  Bullying is an adult believing that its “part of growing up” and an adult believing “that boys will be boys”.

Adults who did not experience severe bullying may excuse a bully by saying, “Back in my day, bullying was just something we all had to go through to make us tougher.”  These adults show a lazy or uneducated attitude towards bullying.  The children under their care are living in a risky and unsafe environment where bullying will be excused and tolerated.

Some others might say, “Back in my day, bullying wasn’t that bad.”  There is some merit to this belief.  Thirty-five years ago, we did not have “classes” on how to bully, by way of violent television and movies, raunchy comedy, sexually degrading pornography, violent video games and cyberbullying on the internet.

We adults need to change our attitudes about bullying.  Whatever is unacceptable behavior in the adult world is unacceptable behavior in a child’s world.  If an adult were bullied at work, for example, there could be repercussions for that type of behavior, which may include the bully being fired, disciplined, or even a lawsuit.  In addition, if the bullied worker chooses not to do anything, they could leave their job and go to work somewhere else.  Under the same conditions, could a bullied child have his or her bully fired or easily decide to leave school?  This has proven to be unlikely.

At some time in our life, we will all be touched by an act of bullying or the aftereffects of bullying.   Suicide, (“bullycide”), depression, anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorders, serious emotional and physical illnesses; these are just some of the things that can be caused from bullying.  Bullying is leaving a wake of victims, (who become bullying survivors), all over the country.  In addition, many of these survivors will suffer the emotional consequences of bullying all their lives.

Bullying and abuse in our schools will only be removed from our schools by the combined effort of many concerned and compassionate individuals, through parental teachings, social education (inside the classroom) and financial means.

Education is the key to every successful action we achieve in our individual lives, but when a group is educated, they gain synergy in a powerful movement.  Communities, teachers, parents and students must build a consistent, planned program to educate schools and classrooms about the dangers of bullying because all children deserve to go to school to learn in a peaceful and safe environment.

Some of the things we must do as educators and parents are to:
• Have a plan of action to educate students and communities about bullying
• Select programs to teach about the consequences of bullying
• Prepare students to react and take action when they see bullying
• Focus attention on good behavior – Seize the teaching moments
• Teach that bullying will not be tolerated
• Be consistent, persistent and diligent in the resolve to stop bullying
• Teach victims of bullying that they have the power to empower themselves, and
• Teach bullies that they have the power to change, thus empowering themselves

I, and Bully Police USA, challenge all who wish to make a difference, for the one child, or many children, being bullied, by participating in BULLYING PREVENTION EDUCATION WEEK, October 17 through 21, 2005.

Only through a colaberative effort will adults face the problem of bullying and change the attitudes of those who work and serve our children in our schools.

by Jamie Littlefield

Bullying can bring fear and hopelessness into the life of an innocent child. Sadly, many caregivers and bystanders don’t act when they see a child getting bullied on the playground or in their neighborhood. Such inaction can mean misery for children who are subjected to bullying on a regular basis.

Victims of bullying are more likely to struggle in their classes, decrease their participation at school, and drop out before graduation. Adults that were bullied as children are more prone to depression and anxiety. They are three times more likely to consider suicide than their peers.

Imagine working in an office where bullying is tolerated. A co-worker who is stronger than you may distract you from your job, spread vicious rumors about you, take your possessions, threaten you, or openly mock you with the intention of causing you pain. When you explain the abuse to your boss, the response is clear: “You need to stop complaining and work this out together.” You are punished for being a “tattletale.” Most adults wouldn’t put up with this sort of treatment at work, yet victimized children are commonly expected to confront their abusers on their own and with no way to defend themselves.

In learning how to communicate with each other, it’s natural for children to argue among friends, experience anger or frustration, and “play fight.” But, bullying is different. A bully harasses and degrades a victim for the sole purpose of causing pain. Constant name calling, threats, physical abuse, and gossip can leave a child seriously hurt and depressed. These victimized children don’t have the power to stop the bullying. They need your help.

In just fifteen minutes you can help stop bullying in your community by learning how to recognize bullying, educating others, and intervening to stop children from being harmed by bullies.

• Learn how to recognize bullying: Educate yourself on how to recognize the signs of bullying and what you can do to prevent kids from being bullied. Learn to tell the difference between bullying and harmless childhood play.
• Help educate others: Spread the word by talking to the people in your community who have the power to put an end to bullying. Here are a few groups you may want to visit or call:

Your family: If you have kids, teach them that bullying is wrong. Use the government resources provided for bullied kids and bullied teens to help them come up with a plan for what to do if they experience bullying as a victim or an observer.

Your friends and neighbors: Take a few minutes to share this bullying information with people in your neighborhood. Encourage adults and children to speak up and stop bullying wherever they see it.

Your local schools: StopBullying.gov has a wealth of free anti-bullying material aimed at helping teachers, school administrators, and students recognize and prevent school bullying. Print some of the school bullying articles and give them to your local school district or email officials the link. You may also want to suggest that school children take the Anti-bullying Pledge from Bullying.org and that schools institute an online bully reporting program similar to the one used by Hillsborough County Public Schools in Florida.

• Stop bullying when you see it: By now, you know what to do. The next time you see an innocent child being victimized by a bully, don’t let the abuse continue. Your actions to stop bullying will help victimized children have hope again and will pave the way for others to stop letting senseless bullying harm young lives.