“This is not being done to victimize or criticize teachers. There are a few bad apples, but the vast majority of teachers go beyond the call of duty. They’re very committed and altruistic. Nevertheless, bullying is a risk…”

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Teachers Who Bully
The problem of teachers bullying students is more common than you think. Learn how to prevent your child from becoming a victim.
By Katherine Kam
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Charlotte E. Grayson Mathis, MD

In recent years, a slew of books have offered parents ample insight into the minds of young bullies.

But what if it’s the teacher who screams, threatens, or uses biting sarcasm to humiliate a child in front of the class?

Teacher bullying gets little attention, say Stuart Twemlow, MD, a psychiatrist who directs the Peaceful Schools and Communities Project at the Menninger Clinic in Houston. But his new study, published in The International Journal of Social Psychiatry, hints that the problem may be more common than people believe.

In his anonymous survey of 116 teachers at seven elementary schools, more than 70% said they believed that bullying was isolated. But 45% admitted to having bullied a student. “I was surprised at how many teachers were willing to be honest,” Twemlow says.

He defines teacher bullying as “using power to punish, manipulate, or disparage a student beyond what would be a reasonable disciplinary procedure.”

Twemlow, a former high school teacher, insists that he’s not trying to denigrate a praiseworthy — and often beleaguered — profession. “This is not being done to victimize or criticize teachers. There are a few bad apples, but the vast majority of teachers go beyond the call of duty. They’re very committed and altruistic.”

Nevertheless, bullying is a risk, he says. When Twemlow quizzed subjects about bullying, “Some teachers reported being angry at being asked the question,” he writes. “But more reflective teachers realized that bullying is a hazard of teaching.”
Problem Teacher

Robert Freeman, an elementary school principal in Fallon, Nev., agrees. He recalls one teacher who was a notorious bully. When he came onboard, “Other teachers inundated me with complaints about her,” he says. “One year, I got 16 requests from parents asking me not to put their child in her class.”

Freeman investigated and found a cruel streak. When elementary students asked for explanations during lessons, she sometimes retorted, “What’s the matter? Didn’t your parents give you the right genes?”
A Parent’s Dilemma

Jan, a New Jersey mother who asked not to use her real name to protect her privacy, says that bullying affects the student’s family, too. In high school, her son began complaining that the choir teacher had singled him out for tirades.

Like many parents who have had mostly positive relationships with teachers, Jan believed her son was overreacting. “We got into arguments at dinner. I told him, ‘Just stop it.’ It affected his mood and it affected our relationship.”

Before long, Jan herself saw signs of the teacher’s outbursts. One day, he phoned her during a choir rehearsal. “He said, ‘Your son is ruining this,’” Jan recalls. “I’m ready to kill my son. I’m driving there, and I’m ready to tell him he’s grounded. When I got there, the teacher said, ‘Oh, it’s fine.’
“He was already over it.”

The clincher came when Jan visited another family with a daughter in the choir. Jan was shocked when the girl said, “Oh, yeah, he totally picks on your son.”

Why didn’t Jan approach the teacher or principal? “I didn’t expect anything to come out of it. Everyone turned their heads because this teacher was so talented.”

Besides, the teacher was the gatekeeper for coveted choir trips. Jan worried, too, that he would bad-mouth her son to other teachers. “The teacher lunchroom, that’s where people talk about kids. So for the next four years, you’ve poisoned them.”

Jan concluded that the teacher was brilliant but volatile, and she’s unsure why was her son was a “lightning rod,” she says. Maybe it was a personality clash, she adds, because her younger daughter had no problems in his class.
Why Do Teachers Bully?

Teachers are human, and it’s unfair to expect them never to utter a hurtful word.

But teachers do bully for various reasons, experts tell WebMD. A student may remind them of someone they dislike. Or, in a surprising reversal of the “teacher’s pet” syndrome, insecure teachers may bully bright students out of envy.

Other teachers suffer from personal problems — job burnout, marital woes, or severe behavior problems with their own children — and they take out their frustrations in class.

Furthermore, in some troubled schools, students bully teachers — and teachers dish it back to avoid appearing weak. “Teachers are often physically scared of students,” Twemlow says.

Teacher bullying spans “the range of human behaviors,” Twemlow says. But he has been able to identify two categories: a “tiny minority” of sadistic teachers and the “bully-victim” teachers.

“The sadistic teacher hacks on kids in a way that indicates they might get some pleasure from it,” he says. That means “humiliating students, hurting students’ feelings, and being spiteful.” For example, he remembers one teacher who repeatedly ridiculed a boy by calling him a girl’s name.

In an ideal world, there would be screening methods to weed out such “nightmare teachers,” he says. “We basically feel that sadistic teachers shouldn’t be teachers.”

For the bully-victim teacher, there may be more hope, he says. “This is the type of teacher who usually is passive and lets a class get out of control and responds with rage and bullying. These bully-victim teachers are often absent from work, they fail to set limits, and they do a lot of referrals to the principal because they like other people to handle their problems.”

These teachers could benefit from training on effective classroom management, he says.

Men and women are equally likely to bully, Twemlow says, but his study didn’t look at whether their tactics differed.

One interesting finding: Teachers who bully were often bullied themselves in childhood. As Twemlow’s study co-researcher, Peter Fonagy, PhD, noted in a news release: “If your early experiences lead you to expect that people will not reason, but respond to force, then you are at risk of recreating this situation in your classroom.”
Advice for Parents

When abuse is physical, most parents don’t hesitate to report the offending teacher, Freeman says. But many see emotional or verbal bullying as a gray area. They worry that speaking up could cause a teacher to take revenge on their child — and there’s little escape. “It really is on a different level than kid-to-kid bullying,” Twemlow says. “The kid has no power.”

Don’t ignore the problem, experts say. Here are some tips for handling the issue of teacher bullying:
Develop a Habit of Talking Openly About School With Your Child

Because children view teachers as authority figures, they often won’t tell their parents if they’re being mistreated. Parents who don’t talk with their children won’t know about bullying until grades drop or a child becomes depressed, Twemlow says.

Keep an eye out for such behavior changes. Also, probe for details if your child says, “Mrs. So-and-So doesn’t like me,” says Janet Belsky, PhD, a Middle Tennessee State University psychology professor. That’s especially true if a child rarely complains of mistreatment by others.

Volunteering in class also allows a parent to keep an eye on the situation and develop a relationship with the teacher.
Talk With the Teacher in a Nonadversarial Manner

If parents suspect a problem, they should meet with the teacher without “screaming or threatening attorneys,” Twemlow says. Avoid blaming and keep an open mind. After all, a child may have misinterpreted a teacher’s behavior.

Take a cooperative approach, says Mark Weiss, education director for Operation Respect, a New York-based nonprofit organization that deals with bullying. A parent can say, “‘I’m concerned. I think my child’s afraid in this class. What do you think is going on?’ The teacher is then able to engage in the conversation.”

Don’t bring a young child, Twemlow adds, but it’s fine to include a teenager “who needs to be treated more like an adult.” Always tell your child beforehand that you’re seeing the teacher, he says. That way, he or she won’t be embarrassed to find out after the fact.

A teacher meeting often solves the problem, Twemlow says. But not always. “A master bully will rationalize,” Freeman says, and nothing changes.
Take Your Complaint Higher

If the situation doesn’t improve, ask the principal to intervene. It may pay to ask for a classroom transfer, Freeman says. Not all principals honor such requests, but some do.

Some principals let bully teachers go unchallenged, he adds. Then parents may have to go up the chain of command, for example, by filing a formal complaint with the school superintendent or school board and demanding a response. They should also keep good records of all communications and incidents.
Reassure Your Child

Resolving a bullying issue can be difficult, so support your child, Weiss says. “Let your child know that you care and that you want to do something — that in life we try to do things and sometimes it takes more than one shot at it.”

But don’t let the situation drag on for months, Belsky says. “You want to try to nip it in the bud.”

Parent – School Collaboration

A partnership between parents and the school to prevent bullying behaviors is based on a shared understanding of bullying, policies of the school and basic intervention strategies.

Schools are encouraged to provide information and resources for parents to talk with their children about bullying.

When the school and parents initiate conversations with children about bullying in general terms, children know that they also can discuss this issue

Parents and school staff are encouraged to take the issue of bullying seriously if a child has experienced bullying as a bully, target or bystander by following up with one another to have a conversation about what has been observed or reported.

It is often true that adults may not be aware of the bullying behaviors as bullying most often occurs where adults are not present. Either the school staff or a parent may be the first to know about an incident based on a report from the child or a circumstance where they happen to see, hear or become aware of bullying. Parents should not assume that the behavior has been reported or observed by adults in the school.

Concerns about bullying issues at school can generally be addressed when parents talk with the classroom teacher, school counselor or building administrator.

Parents and school staff should be familiar with the school anti-bullying policy and any related policies or programs and address bullying behaviors using the appropriate process. When making a report, it is helpful to provide a clear and detailed description of what has been observed or experienced. All reports should be taken seriously and acted on using established policy and procedures.

Reporting Procedures

Refer to the school district’s anti-bullying policy and reporting procedures for guidance on the local process to make a report. If that is not available, typically the following procedure is appropriate. Generally, reporting bullying behaviors to the school begins with the classroom teacher or building administrator and proceeds to the next contacts only if the issue is not resolved.

Report to the classroom teacher, school counselor and/or the building administrator (principal)

Report to the district superintendent

Report to the district school board

If the bullying behavior involves criminal conduct (theft, assault, battery, etc), use the following reporting procedure in addition to notification to the school.

Report to local law enforcement

Contact the county attorney

Advice for parents and family members of children who engage in bullying behaviors

Consider this a serious behavior concern and let your child know in a calm manner that the behavior is not acceptable.

Attempt conversation with your child to discuss more acceptable behaviors. Give your child opportunities to practice the expected behaviors.

Often children who engage in bullying behaviors do not recognize and respond to the feelings of others appropriately. Provide opportunities to teach your child skills in empathy – recognizing and responding to another person’s feelings. Literature and movies offer resources for generating discussions about emotions.

If the school contacts you regarding the behavior of your child, be prepared to work with the school to help change the behaviors of your child. A collaborative plan that is implemented at both home and school will have greater impact on changing behaviors.

Encourage and model respectful behaviors for your child.

Advice for parents and family members of a child who has been bullied or witnessed bullying

Keep communication lines open so there is a comfort level in reporting an incident. Encourage your child, whether a target or a bystander, to report any bullying behavior to you. Acknowledge the child’s feelings and let the child know that reporting was the right thing to do.

Do not dismiss the situation by asking the child to ignore the bullying or take care of it on their own. Adult support is a key component to changing bullying situations and keeping children safe.

Explore ideas and alternatives to address the situation. Ask what the child has done to try to stop the bullying. Generate a list of additional ideas for stopping the behavior; i.e., stay in safe or supervised areas, develop and practice assertive statements, know how to make a report, identify other children or teachers who can offer support or help, etc. Fighting back and ignoring the situation are not helpful and should not be on the list of ideas for stopping bullying.

Decide if the problem should be solved in collaboration with the school. Discuss with your child how the incident could be reported to school personnel if the behavior occurs at school or impacts the learning environment. Decide who should know – consider the protocol in your local school policy and any staff members who your child can trust. Be accurate in reporting the details of the incident.

Do not confront the child or parents of the child who bullies.

Involve your child in social activities that provide opportunities to build relationships and develop pro-social skills.

By John Nottingham
The following is from John Nottingham’s Bully Proof Vest Program.

Every child will eventually have to deal with bullying at some point in his or her life. The problem of bullying is present in schools, at bus stops, on the bus, sometimes in the home and even by teachers and other authority figures. Learning to deal with bullying is a skill that can make a significant difference in how we perceive ourselves.

These struggles can help develop important self defense and safety skills that are useful throughout life or if mishandled, can do damage that can last a lifetime.

Bullying can take on many forms including:

Types of bullying:

Verbal bullying – the most common form of bullying, can be insults, humiliating comment, name calling, taunting, harassing.
Physical bullying-easiest to see from the outside, can be tripping, punching, shoving, pinching, kicking, tripping, hair pulling, pencil poking, hiding things, stealing
Social/relational bullying – hard to detect and often indirect, can be shunning and exclusion, done through body language like dismissive looks, mean and degrading notes, ignoring, spreading rumors
Cyber-bullying/Internet Bullying/Media Bullying – newest form of bullying, using text messaging, email, chatrooms, Facebook, forums, message boards and other social media to send threatening and degrading messages, harass, or spread rumors
Video Bullying: selectively editing embarrassing video footage, message boards or other media.

Attention Parent:

Do You Want to Help Your Child Avoid Bullying?

Here are some suggestions that have proven successful over the years.

Bully Stopper 1. Respond Do Not React. Take a breath, insert time and think before you react. By taking and breath and inserting time, you can come up with a response that works, rather than react simply on how you feel. The goal is to solve the problem and reacting can rashly and emotionally make it worse. The response needs to fit the situation so sometimes it might be to ignore, or make a joke, respond calmly and sincerely, firmly and loudly or immediately get help.

Bully Stopper 2. Communicate. Learning to communicate with confidence is key to successful social intelligence. From how to communicate with yourself with positive self talk (internal coaching), to speak up for yourself with a rude person or even to have the courage to talk to an adult to get the right help. This is especially powerful self defense in bullying situations since most, but not all, situations begin with verbal interactions. A child who communicates is more likely to tell, involve friends and access the right kind of help.

Bully Stopper 3. Boundary setting. Teach your children how to set verbal, physical, emotional limits. Role playing these skills are essential to a solid bullying defense and bully prevention.

Bully Stopper 4. Encourage Hero Culture. Instill in your children a sense of connectedness and responsibility with others. If they learn empathy, compassion, sharing and caring, they are more likely to stand up for others or not participate in cruelty. Specifically address scenarios where it might seem cool to use power over others, but how it can be used in a harmful way. Show them how to stand up for others by leading by example and discussing “what if” scenarios.

If you see something wrong, do or say something right.

Bully Stopper 5. Teach Them To Overcome Adversity and Problem Solve. Do not reward victim culture. It is growing in popularity to reward children for being perpetual victims by lavishing time, attention, love and affection on them when they act like a victim. While compassion and love are good to show, it must be in the proper context or risk creating a permanent, disabled and co-dependant victim with low self worth or dignity other than the victim identity. Try placing more emphasis on rewarding overcoming hardship through encouragement and responsibility. This is not to say that we ever blame a child for being a victim, rather help them overcome challenges and difficulties with their heads held high. Make sure they know they are not in it alone and good problem solving is assembling a good team of help.

Bully Stopper 6. Instruct them how to defend themselves physically if attacked. Nothing builds confidence like knowing you can defend yourself. Without this skill, they will always have a nagging question in the back of their minds if they can protect themselves. Practice slow motion physical attack and insult scenarios. They can avoid the low grade fear and anxiety that comes from being afraid of not having options in an attack, fight or situation that calls for self defense. Teach them the difference between self defense and fighting. They should know that they are worth defending and it is always right to protect yourself as a last resort, when everything else has failed. They should also know that self defense has limits and is used defensively, force appropriate, not as punishment or revenge. Bully Self Defense is only to escape to safety.

Bully Stopper 7. Cyber-bullying/Social Media Bullying. Monitor and frequently discuss Cyber bullying, lures, ploys and how to spot and avoid online or media trouble. Make it a condition of internet, phone, media use that when they see messages that are rude, intimidating, inappropriate that they report it to you. It is important that you don’t over-react to earn their trust and not punish them for other people’s behavior. In fact, reward their good choice and turn it into a positive lesson and reassure them of your love and support.

Bully Stopper 8. Enroll your children in martial arts or a good bullying prevention program. One of the most proven successful ways to build a child’s confidence, prevent bullying and improve the quality of their lives is martial arts training. Not only will they get to learn and test their bullying and self defense skills, they learn focus, discipline, self-control, social skills and much more. You’ll notice your child carries themselves differently and sometimes that is enough to prevent bullying. Taekwondo, Karate, Jiu-Jitsu, Krav Maga, Kung Fu – the style is less important than the experience of the instructor and the quality of the curriculum they implement at the martial arts school.

Bully Stopper 9. Be The Positive Role Model. Children will often do what they see their parents, siblings and role models do. Be aware of the example you and others set for your child as they will certainly reflect those attitudes, ideals and values in their lives. Observe kindness, compassion, forgiveness, caring and respect in your dealings. Discuss these things with your child. When you make a mistake, let them see you make it right, rather than attempt to justify it. Your children will learn through these examples and experiences far more than the things you tell them.

Implementing these strategies will go a long way in helping your child prevent bullying and learn to stand up for themselves and others in healthy ways.

John Nottingham, EPS, PI, 6th Dan

John Nottingham is the founder of Bullying Prevention Initiative International, creator of the Bully Proof Vest program, a bodyguard, law enforcement and military trainer. A 6th Degree Master Black Belt, he owns USA Martial Arts & Kickboxing Phoenix and Nottingham Sword & Shield Security Bodyguards.

The film will be released in U.S. theaters on March 9, 2012.

The film takes place over the 2009–2010 school year and follows students and their families from Texas, Mississippi, Georgia, Iowa and Oklahoma. It also covers the stories of Tyler Long and Ty Smalley, who committed suicide after being bullied.

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Introduction

Social networking sites such as Facebook allow people to keep in touch with family and friends using the Internet. They can chat, leave posts (or messages), play games and share pictures. Facebook, in particular, has grown in popularity over recent years to a point where, according to facebook.com (Facebook Press Room, 2010), over 400 million people worldwide are using it.

Facebook demographics, according to Corbett (2010), show that around 10% (or 40 million) Facebook users are teenage school children. Although there are risks for anyone using Facebook, the teenager is at the greatest risk. Teenagers are not experienced in the corrupt and dangerous world we live in, they don’t understand some of the risks involved, they don’t understand how powerful words can be and they can be easily led and succumb to peer pressure.

For the average teenager, Facebook is an extension of their school life, without being governed by the rules that exist at school. It’s like being in the schoolyard at recess or lunch with their friends but without the prying eyes of teachers.

However, there is one issue that exists in both the cyber-world and the real world – bullying. Bullying exists on Facebook just as it does in the school playground. While the issue is the same, the solution to the problem can differ greatly between the two different worlds.

This paper will explore the risks involved with cyber-bullying on Facebook, especially for teenagers, and argue that making correct decisions and taking certain precautions can reduce these risks. It will show how powerful effective communications with you child can be and it will offer a number of solutions that will eliminate the risk or at least reduce the risk to a level that will make your Facebook experience a safe one.

Facebook And Teenagers

I asked my teenage daughter what she used the Internet for before Facebook. Her reply was that it was boring. She used YouTube, messenger, email, music downloading and that’s about it. However, that has all changed. Now she is connected nearly every spare minute she has because of Facebook. Facebook offers so many tools in one package. It is a blog, a messaging tool, a photo repository, a gaming tool – it basically is an all in one communication package, which is not just available on the PC or Mac. The increase in the number of handheld devices like smartphones and the Ipod touch allow access to applications like Facebook from almost anywhere.

Facebook has an inbuilt messaging tool, which allows users to check who is online and send them a message. According to (Prompt Survey, 2009) “Facebook may be replacing email and text messaging as a more popular way to stay in touch with friends and family online”. This is not something that will happen over-night but if nearly all of your friends are online at any given time then it is much simpler to communicate via Facebook than using SMS or the phone. Add to this an impressive range of games and, for a teenager, Facebook seems to provide the perfect package.

Unfortunately, nothing in this world is perfect. Facebook has its issues, mostly minor, however with the potential to become both life threatening and life destroying if allowed to develop. These issues include health, privacy, and lack of face-to-face social interaction causing erosion of social skills as well as exposure to online predators. It can waste a lot of your time and interfere with schoolwork. However, the one issue that is causing the most concern amongst Facebook users is bullying or, as it is known in the online world, cyber-bullying.

Cyber-bullying

Cyber-bullying can be described as an act of aggression toward someone, similar to traditional bullying, but done on-line. Cyber-bullying can range from spreading rumors about someone, on-line threats, harassment and negative comments, to posting and commenting on digital photos. The delivery method can vary from e-mails, instant messaging, web pages, blogs and chat rooms to social networking sites like Facebook.

Cyber-bullying can affect any age group but the most prevalent group is teenagers and this is starting to become a problem in schools. A recent article in the Adelaide Advertiser (Keller, C. & Hood, L., 2010) reported that “school counsellors are spending the beginning of each school week ‘cleaning up the carnage’ of cyber bullying generated on Facebook and by text messages each weekend”.

Bullying v’s Cyber-Bullying

Traditional bullying occurs face-to-face and is more than likely related to school problems. According to Olweus (1993) “a person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself”.

Traditional bullying has been researched well in the past and Ybarra, Diener-West and Leaf (2007, 43) observe “victims of bullying at school report less positive relationships with classmates and those with multiple victimisations have poorer academic performance”. According to a separate study by Ybarra and Mitchell (2004, 321), bully victims, both the bully and the bullied are “more likely to experience academic challenge, problem alcohol and drug use, loneliness and poor peer relations”. The study also found that males are significantly more likely than females to bully and younger youths (early high school) report a higher frequency of bullying than older youths (late high school).

Cyber bullying, although sharing some of the traits of traditional bullying, has some noted differences. Ybarra and Mitchell (2004, 332) found that bullies are just as likely to be female as male and are more likely to be late high school age. Ybarra and Mitchell (2004, 328) also found that of the main contributing factors with cyber-bullying is a “poor caregiver-child emotional bond”. These youths were “more than two times a likely to engage in online harassment that youth with a strong emotional bond”. Ybarra et al. (2007, 43) also state “it is possible that youth who are harassed online experience school functioning problems that are parallel to those reported by youth bullied at school”. The study also there is an overlap between the two to the extent that 36% of people being bullied at school are also being bullied on-line and one in four reported aggressive offline contact from their harasser.

But this means that 64% of youths that are harassed online are not being harassed at school. Ybarra et al. (2007, 48) went on to say that “the Internet and other new technologies may have increased the chances for harassment for youth who might otherwise not be targeted”.

Psychology.wikia (Cyber-Bullying. n.d.) also adds “cyber bullies do not have to be larger and stronger than their victims, as had been the case in traditional bullying. Instead of a victim being several years younger and/or drastically weaker than his bully, victim and cyber bully alike can be just about anyone imaginable”.

This sets the platform for almost anyone to become a cyber bully however not everyone has the aggressive nature that defines a cyber bully.

On-line Aggression

Communications on the Internet can be anonymous. So in some cases there is no way of knowing whom you are speaking with. According to a study on youth engaging in online harassment by Ybarra & Mitchell (2004, 320) “this has multiple implications, including the lack of non-verbal cues used to determine the emotional sentiment of what is being said, as well as the lack of traditional information we use to stereotype one another”. The study acknowledges that the Internet has broken down some barriers and connected people who would normally not have been as communicative but those that “feel constrained by social expectations in traditional communication are freed from these constraints in online conversations where the user cannot be seen nor the impact of his or her words on the other person can be experienced”. The study found that youth who would not act aggressively in the traditional bullying scenario might feel less constrained on-line. The “anonymity associated with online interactions may strip away many aspects of socially accepted roles, leading the Internet to act as a potential equaliser for aggressive acts”. This anonymity that exists on the Internet becomes even more appealing to bullies because their intimidation is difficult to trace.

Another key aspect in the effectiveness of cyber-bullying is how quickly information posted can reach a large audience. This information, whether it is posts to a social networking site or e-mails, can reach its audience much faster than traditional bullying methods, potentially causing more damage to the victims.

Effects Of Cyber-Bullying

Cyber-bullying affects different people in different ways. Wylie (n.d.) explains the effects cyber-bullying can have on a child:

“There’s no doubt cyber bullying can be devastating. For instance, some bullies harass their targets with a barrage of instant messages, like ‘Everyone hates you,’ or ‘You are a loser.’ Other cyber bullies create web sites that mock or humiliate other kids, such as setting up online polls with themes like: ‘Vote for the ten ugliest girls in school’. Cyber bullies can also impersonate their target, for example, posting fake online ads soliciting dates on their behalf. Or hacking into the victim’s email account and sending hateful messages to their friends”.

According to a study by Ybarra, Mitchell, Wolnak and Finkelhor (2006, 1176) which examined characteristics and associated distress related to Internet harassment, the majority of targets were not upset by bullying incidents and these incidents tended to be isolated episodes between peers, however 39% reported resulting emotional stress. The study recommended early identification and provision of support. Some of the main effects of cyber bullying include low self-esteem, poor school results, depression, anxiety, health issues and suicide.

Facebook – The Solutions

While there are no magic solutions to combat cyber-bullying and other threats while using Facebook it can be argued that by following some basic rules you can reduce any risks that exist.

One of the main components of social networking sites is the public display of connections. Not only does this list of friends allow someone to access links to friends profiles and then to friends of friends profiles it is also seen, especially by the teenage demographic, as something of a status symbol – the more friends you have obviously the more popular you are – at least in the eyes of your peers. So friends are added that probably shouldn’t be and these friends, in most cases, tend to never be removed.

Only add people that you know well and that you want to be friends with. Once a friendship is over or a relationship has ended remove the person. An example of how controlling your friends’ list will reduce your risks on Facebook was reported recently by the UK Daily Mail (Jealous Lover, 2010). The report stated “a Facebook stalker was jailed for at least 22 years today for killing his ex-girlfriend after seeing her on social networking site with another man. He got on a plane and flew 4,000 miles from Trinidad to England to challenge her”. While this is an extreme case it can be argued that keeping your friends list on Facebook accurate and up to date is an important way to avoid possible unwanted encounters.

There are a number of steps parents can take to help combat cyber-bullying. It can be argued that these steps will reduce the chances of cyber-bullying if implemented correctly. One of the suggested ways to check what your children are up to on Facebook is to become ‘friends’ with them and some schools are promoting this behavior to help manage the alarming rise in cyber bullying. The role that is proposed for parents is to firstly learn how to use Facebook. Then they are encouraged to become a friend of their child so they can monitor their posts on Facebook. Some parents are already friends with their children, not for the purpose of checking up on them but out of mutual friendship.

However some children will not be too happy with this idea and are unlikely to want their parents checking on what they are up to. Regardless, with the introduction of Facebook groups your child can have a friends list that will exclude you, so while you may think you know what is happening on Facebook, in reality you are not seeing most of it. However if you do have your child’s confidence you can take an inactive role so as not to invade their privacy and this will give you a chance to check posts regularly to keep an eye on what’s happening as well as checking on things like the appropriateness of their profile picture. Rather than get your children offside it is important to work on developing a trusting relationship with your child. Talk to your child and tell them to think about the possible consequences of their comments on Facebook. If you think comments could be offensive then don’t send them. Also don’t be afraid to remove a post at any time if you think you’ve made a mistake by posting it.

Probably the most important way to reduce your risks on Facebook is to get your settings right. Some advice from Miller (2010) is to

“limit where your children post personal information. Be careful who can access contact information or details about your children’s interests, habits or employment to reduce their exposure to bullies that they do not know. This may limit their risk of becoming a victim and may make it easier to identify the bully if they are victimised”.

Facebook has three levels of security: friends, friends of friends and everyone. Ensure most settings are set to a minimum level ‘friends only’. Facebook (Facebook Privacy, 2010) provides suggestions for correct settings and it’s a good idea to sit down with your child to ensure these settings are correct.

You can report bad behavior on Facebook. Anything you deem inappropriate from posts to images you can ‘report’ by clicking on the supplied link. You can also block specific people from viewing your profile. The Facebook site (Facebook Press Room, 2010) offers the following information for dealing with harassment:

“Cyber bullies often seek a reaction from the people they harass. When they fail to get one, they often give up gradually. Rather than responding to a bully via Inbox, a Wall post, or Facebook Chat, you can use the ‘Block’ or ‘Report’ functions to resolve the issue safely. Remember, only confirmed friends can post to your Wall or send you a message through Chat. If you are receiving posts and Chat messages you don’t like, you should consider removing the sender from your friends list. Please note that you should also contact the authorities if you ever feel threatened by something you see on the site”.

Facebook – If You Suspect Cyber-Bullying

Some signs that your child may be being cyber-bullied, according to Wylie (n.d.) are a drop in grades, poor sleeping habits, increased irritability, and an increased amount of time spent online, especially if it coincides with one of the other signs. She also notes that confirming that there is an issue is half the battle because “kids often go into stealth mode”.

Miller (2010) offers some advice for combating cyber-bullying. She notes that

“sometimes girls hold back from telling adults about cyber-bullying because they fear they will be banned from using the Internet. Rather than making threats, keep the lines of communication open and establish trust. If you suspect your daughter might be a victim, don’t ignore it. Ask her sensitively about your concerns”.

Parents should also report any suspected cases of cyber-bullying to the child’s school.

A US based website called Stay Safe Online (Cyber Bullying And Harassment, n.d.), works with a number of government and well known Internet sites to promote cyber security awareness. It suggests the following three important steps for combating cyber-bullying: (1) avoid escalating the situation, (2) document cyber bullying and (3) report cyber bullying to the appropriate authorities.

Conclusion

In the end you need to remember what Facebook is there for. It’s a real name based site that is supposed to connect people. This type of social networking model is always going to have some risks involved, especially in the area of cyber bullying, however, as this paper has argued, following some basic rules can reduce these risks.

As adults we need to support our children. It’s important to keep the communications channels open and make sure you never ignore bullying. More importantly you need to be able to put yourself in the best position to recognise bullying whether it’s happening in the schoolyard, through text messaging or on the Internet.

References

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Cyber-bullying. (n.d.). Retrieved March 18, 2010 from http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Cyber-bullying

Cyber Bullying and Harassment. (n.d.). Retrieved March 20, 2010 from http://staysafeonline.org/content/cyber-bullying-and-harassment

Facebook Press Room – statistics. (2010). Retrieved April 4, 2010 from http://www.facebook.com/press/info.php?statistics

Facebook privacy (2010). Retrieved March 18, 2010 from http://www.facebook.com/help/?page=419

Jealous lover flew 4,000 miles to stab ex-girlfriend to death after seeing her on Facebook with another man. (2010). Retrieved March 30, 2010 from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1256552/Facebook-stalker-Paul-Bristol-killed-Camille-Mathurasingh-seeing-new-man.html

Keller, C. & Hood, L. (2010). Protect your kids – become cyber cops. Retrieved March 30, 2010 from http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/technology/protect-your-kids-become-cyber-cops/story-e6freaal-1225838410849

Miller, D. (2010). The Darker Side of Facebook: Cyber-Bullying. Retrieved March 10, 2010 from http://www.australianwomenonline.com/the-darker-side-of-facebook/

Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell Publishing.

Prompt survey finds Facebook more popular than email or SMS to keep in touch with friends and family. (2009). Retrieved March 26, 2010 from http://www.prompt-communications.com/news_pdfs/2009_dec_prompt.pdf

Wylie, M. (n.d.). Online Family Safety – Eight ways to handle cyber-bullies. Retrieved March 30, 2010 from http://www.yoursecurityresource.com/cobrand/in/articles/cyberbullies/index.html

Ybarra, M., Diener-West, M. & Leaf, P. (2007). Examining the Overlap in Internet harassment and school bullying: Implications for school Intervention. Journal of Adolescent Health 41, 42 – 50.

Ybarra, M., & Mitchell, K. (2004).Youth engaging in online harassment: Associations with caregiver-child relationships, Internet use, and personal characteristics. Journal of Adolescence 27, 319-336.

Ybarra, M., Mitchell, K., Wolak, J. & Finkelhor, D. (2006). Examining Characteristics and Associated Distress Related to Internet Harassment: Findings From the Second Youth Internet Safety Survey. Pediatrics 118, 1169-1177.

by Molly Edmonds

When you consider the great bullies that have graced the movie and television screen, most of them are males. In 2008, the Boston Globe compiled a list of the most intimidating pop culture bullies, and 12 out of 15 spots went to bad boys, including Bluto from “Popeye,” Simon Cowell from “American Idol,” Nelson from “The Simpsons” and Biff Tannen from “Back to the Future.” Just three women represented their gender on the list: Nellie Olsen from “Little House on the Prairie,” Regina George from “Mean Girls” and conservative commentator Ann Coulter.

Proportionately, this list seems about right — in real life, bullies are far more likely to be male than female. In fact, if a screenwriter wanted to get a big laugh out of just how cowardly his male protagonist is, he might pit the youngster against a girl bully, albeit a big, burly one that hardly resembled a girl at all. As a culture, we tend to expect boys to throw the punches, verbal and physical. “American Idol” would be a much different experience if Paula was the mean one and Simon was the one who gushed over contestants.

For decades, researchers thought that boys were inherently more aggressive than girls, and playground scuffles usually ended with a boy in detention. In the 1990s, though, Finnish researcher Kaj Bjorkqvist began interviewing adolescent girls about their interactions. What he found is that girls are no less aggressive than boys; they’re just aggressive in different ways [source: Talbot]. Instead of fighting on the playground like the boys, they play subtle mind games that may be even more damaging than a black eye.

For this reason, the Boston Globe’s inclusion of Regina George makes perfect sense. 2004′s “Mean Girls” was adapted from the book “Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence” by Rosalind Wiseman. Regina George’s dictates that her friends wear certain outfits on a given day of the week was based on a real high schooler’s rules, and Regina’s efforts to manipulate the girls in her orbit go on every day in the halls of high schools. So how do girls get to be such big bullies?

Relational Aggression

Up until the age of 4, kids tend to show aggression in the same way; they’ll grab toys out of another kid’s hands or push someone who makes them mad [source: Talbot]. But researchers at Brigham Young University have shown that girls as young as 4 have learned how to manipulate their peers to exclude kids and become the queen of the sandbox [source: Starr]. They’ll tell lies and secrets to get other kids to shun the offender.

That means that before kindergarten, girls have started practicing relational aggression, a term that’s been used to describe the type of bullying that’s the specialty of adolescent girls. Rather than just bullying weak kids they hardly know, as male bullies do, female bullies go after their closest relationships. The female bully is hard to catch in action and difficult to punish; there is, after all, no bloody nose to serve as proof. Instead, victims carry emotional scars resulting from the bully’s habits of spreading rumors, leaking secrets, savage put-downs, backstabbing and social exclusions. Bullies may demean a person’s choice of clothing or exclude a friend from the guest list for a popular party in order to gain social status within a group of girls. At the same time, they send the victim into social exile, a particularly painful place for a young girl.

Boys also tend to bully others in order to gain social status, so it seems that bullies share certain motivations — need for attention, fear of competition, anger at the way they’re treated at home. And in the long-term, female bullies suffer as much as male bullies, because eventually, those closest to them tire of the manipulations, though there’s a lack of research as to whether female bullies turn to drugs and alcohol and end up in jail at the same rates that male bullies do.

There are a few key differences, though: Male bullies come in all shapes and sizes, from the popular football captain to the social outcast, while female bullies tend to be the popular girls (another factor that may help them escape punishment). And while some male bullies appear to lash out because they haven’t developed empathy for others, girls seem to possess ample amounts of empathy; so much so, in fact, that they know exactly how to harm a perceived threat. Because girls tend to put so much emphasis on friendships, female bullies know how to get a fellow female to divulge a secret, and then she knows how to reveal it in a way that will maximize the embarrassment for the victim.

During middle and high school, it may be important for parents to remind their daughters that true friends aren’t manipulative, negative or mean. Such a warning may seem commonsense, but few things make sense in adolescence. Unfortunately, the high school cafeteria isn’t the last place where a woman will go up against a female bully.

If you’ve ever been shot repeated glares at work, omitted from an e-mail chain or meeting where you should have been included or received a humiliating public lecture that could have just as easily been delivered behind closed doors, then you were likely up against a workplace bully. In 2007, the Workplace Bullying Institute released a survey that showed just how common this phenomenon is; according to the survey, 37 percent of U.S. workers have been bullied on the job. As on the playground, bullies are more likely to be male than female (60 percent of perpetrators were male), and the bully is usually the boss.

What many news outlets jumped on when this story came out, however, is how frequently women pick on other women. While males in the workplace will bully other males and females at equal numbers, female bullies will go after someone of the same gender 70 percent of the time [source: Klaus]. Discussions of why this problem exists involves considering some gender stereotypes about how we expect women to behave.

For example, bullies, no matter their gender, go after those who are less likely to fight back. Because women are sometimes thought to be more docile and less combative, both men and women may exploit that perceived weakness when they pick their targets [source: WBI]. Another explanation portends that women are more sensitive to criticism, making them more likely to hold grudges and act on them later [source: Klaus]. Some argue that women, relatively new to the corporate, office environment, haven’t learned the fine art of competition, or have adopted male-identified behaviors, like bullying, to get ahead [source: Meece]. Because they are new in the workplace, it’s also possible that their behavior is being overanalyzed, and the slightest deviation from the stereotype of a nurturing female is considered bullying [source: Meece]. On the other hand, because women are new to positions of leadership, it’s possible they don’t want to help the women who may replace them [source: Klaus].

The Workplace Bullying Institute contends that since most bullies are bosses, and because many women tend to be in charge of other women, the bullied subordinates are doomed by virtue of having a female boss. A 2009 study published in Psychological Science found that bully bosses (male or female) tend to lash out when they feel inferior and unqualified for their position [source: Callaway]. While this provides a lowly worker with a tip for dealing with a bully in charge (flattery), it also echoes some of those earlier theories as to why women bully other women. Because women, racing to crash the glass ceiling, are still token females around the office, their behavior might be scrutinized far more than a male’s. If a female has faced difficulties in getting to her position of leadership, she may still face doubts about her staying power in a male-dominated world. So, in a somewhat vicious cycle, such a female may return to that emotional manipulation she picked up at age 4: bullying.

Signs of Depression in Children and Teens
September 8, 2010 |

By Marc Courtiol

While childhood depression can be triggered by events such as changing schools, divorce, moving, or a death in the family, there is a genetic component to depressive mood disorders, and some children are more predisposed to these feelings than others. In past generations childhood depression was often dismissed as normal growing pains, but now that we know more about the causes, symptoms and long-term effects of depression, early detection and treatment of depression have become important concerns.

If you suspect that your young child may be suffering from depression, do not dismiss it. Depression can take root early in life and have long-lasting effects, but you can take steps now to ensure that your child lives a full and happy life. Here are the most common signs and symptoms of childhood depression:

Family history: If there is a history of depression in your family, pay extra close attention to the moods of your child. Even if neither you nor the other parent have depression, these afflictions can skip generations. If you have any parents or siblings who have struggled with mood disorders, then your child could be at greater risk.

Irritability: The symptoms of childhood depression mimic those of adult depression in many ways, but there are important differences. For one, while depressed adults often become withdrawn and sad, depressed children are more likely to become irritable and have outbursts of irrational emotion. They do not have the emotional maturity to recognize the meaning of their feelings, so they lash out.

Loss of interest in activities: If your child frequently complains that she is bored, or if she does not seem interested in any of the activities she used to enjoy, this could be a sign that her mood has declined.

Social difficulties: Having an active social life is a crucial part of childhood development. Depressed children often have trouble interacting with their peers and maintaining friendships, which can lead to arrested development in the social sphere. If not changed early, this can have negative social effects for life.

Frequent complaining: More often than in grown-ups, depression in children can lead to physical aches and pains. If your child frequently complains of headaches, stomachaches, or other pains, be sure to take her to the doctor for a checkup. If nothing is physically wrong, it could be that the pains are triggered by depression. They may be signs that your child is reaching out for help.

Declining school performance: To do well in school, children need to be focused and engaged. Depression can get in the way of this. If his grades have declined, or if he frequently expresses an intense aversion to school, it could be that depression has begun to interfere with his studies.

Frequent crying: Children who are depressed often cry for seemingly no reason. If your child sometimes cries but cannot seem to tell you what is wrong, it could be a sign of unusually melancholy feelings within.

Violence or aggression: Depression can cause children to become aggressive toward their peers or siblings. Some children are naturally rougher than others, but if your child has suddenly become aggressive or has repeatedly gotten in trouble at school for fighting, it could be linked to depression.

Low self-esteem: Childhood depression often goes hand in hand with feelings of low self-worth. If your child often speaks negatively of herself or seems to lack confidence, these might be symptoms of depression.

Morbid thoughts: Children who are depressed sometimes become obsessed with death or violence, and if they do not express these thoughts openly, it may come out in schoolwork or in things like drawings or writings.