Bully Prevention

By Brenda High, Director, Bully Police USA

Contrary to what many people believe, bullying is an adult problem, not a child’s problem.  Adults are entirely to blame for bullying in our schools because they do not stop it.  Bullies bully because they can, and because they can get away with it and adults decide when, and who will get away with bullying.

Bullying is not a “part of growing up” or even “boys will be boys” problem.  Bullying is an adult believing that its “part of growing up” and an adult believing “that boys will be boys”.

Adults who did not experience severe bullying may excuse a bully by saying, “Back in my day, bullying was just something we all had to go through to make us tougher.”  These adults show a lazy or uneducated attitude towards bullying.  The children under their care are living in a risky and unsafe environment where bullying will be excused and tolerated.

Some others might say, “Back in my day, bullying wasn’t that bad.”  There is some merit to this belief.  Thirty-five years ago, we did not have “classes” on how to bully, by way of violent television and movies, raunchy comedy, sexually degrading pornography, violent video games and cyberbullying on the internet.

We adults need to change our attitudes about bullying.  Whatever is unacceptable behavior in the adult world is unacceptable behavior in a child’s world.  If an adult were bullied at work, for example, there could be repercussions for that type of behavior, which may include the bully being fired, disciplined, or even a lawsuit.  In addition, if the bullied worker chooses not to do anything, they could leave their job and go to work somewhere else.  Under the same conditions, could a bullied child have his or her bully fired or easily decide to leave school?  This has proven to be unlikely.

At some time in our life, we will all be touched by an act of bullying or the aftereffects of bullying.   Suicide, (“bullycide”), depression, anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorders, serious emotional and physical illnesses; these are just some of the things that can be caused from bullying.  Bullying is leaving a wake of victims, (who become bullying survivors), all over the country.  In addition, many of these survivors will suffer the emotional consequences of bullying all their lives.

Bullying and abuse in our schools will only be removed from our schools by the combined effort of many concerned and compassionate individuals, through parental teachings, social education (inside the classroom) and financial means.

Education is the key to every successful action we achieve in our individual lives, but when a group is educated, they gain synergy in a powerful movement.  Communities, teachers, parents and students must build a consistent, planned program to educate schools and classrooms about the dangers of bullying because all children deserve to go to school to learn in a peaceful and safe environment.

Some of the things we must do as educators and parents are to:
• Have a plan of action to educate students and communities about bullying
• Select programs to teach about the consequences of bullying
• Prepare students to react and take action when they see bullying
• Focus attention on good behavior – Seize the teaching moments
• Teach that bullying will not be tolerated
• Be consistent, persistent and diligent in the resolve to stop bullying
• Teach victims of bullying that they have the power to empower themselves, and
• Teach bullies that they have the power to change, thus empowering themselves

I, and Bully Police USA, challenge all who wish to make a difference, for the one child, or many children, being bullied, by participating in BULLYING PREVENTION EDUCATION WEEK, October 17 through 21, 2005.

Only through a colaberative effort will adults face the problem of bullying and change the attitudes of those who work and serve our children in our schools.

by Jamie Littlefield

Bullying can bring fear and hopelessness into the life of an innocent child. Sadly, many caregivers and bystanders don’t act when they see a child getting bullied on the playground or in their neighborhood. Such inaction can mean misery for children who are subjected to bullying on a regular basis.

Victims of bullying are more likely to struggle in their classes, decrease their participation at school, and drop out before graduation. Adults that were bullied as children are more prone to depression and anxiety. They are three times more likely to consider suicide than their peers.

Imagine working in an office where bullying is tolerated. A co-worker who is stronger than you may distract you from your job, spread vicious rumors about you, take your possessions, threaten you, or openly mock you with the intention of causing you pain. When you explain the abuse to your boss, the response is clear: “You need to stop complaining and work this out together.” You are punished for being a “tattletale.” Most adults wouldn’t put up with this sort of treatment at work, yet victimized children are commonly expected to confront their abusers on their own and with no way to defend themselves.

In learning how to communicate with each other, it’s natural for children to argue among friends, experience anger or frustration, and “play fight.” But, bullying is different. A bully harasses and degrades a victim for the sole purpose of causing pain. Constant name calling, threats, physical abuse, and gossip can leave a child seriously hurt and depressed. These victimized children don’t have the power to stop the bullying. They need your help.

In just fifteen minutes you can help stop bullying in your community by learning how to recognize bullying, educating others, and intervening to stop children from being harmed by bullies.

• Learn how to recognize bullying: Educate yourself on how to recognize the signs of bullying and what you can do to prevent kids from being bullied. Learn to tell the difference between bullying and harmless childhood play.
• Help educate others: Spread the word by talking to the people in your community who have the power to put an end to bullying. Here are a few groups you may want to visit or call:

Your family: If you have kids, teach them that bullying is wrong. Use the government resources provided for bullied kids and bullied teens to help them come up with a plan for what to do if they experience bullying as a victim or an observer.

Your friends and neighbors: Take a few minutes to share this bullying information with people in your neighborhood. Encourage adults and children to speak up and stop bullying wherever they see it.

Your local schools: StopBullying.gov has a wealth of free anti-bullying material aimed at helping teachers, school administrators, and students recognize and prevent school bullying. Print some of the school bullying articles and give them to your local school district or email officials the link. You may also want to suggest that school children take the Anti-bullying Pledge from Bullying.org and that schools institute an online bully reporting program similar to the one used by Hillsborough County Public Schools in Florida.

• Stop bullying when you see it: By now, you know what to do. The next time you see an innocent child being victimized by a bully, don’t let the abuse continue. Your actions to stop bullying will help victimized children have hope again and will pave the way for others to stop letting senseless bullying harm young lives.

As school will be opening, unfortunately we may start hearing about the ugliness of bullying and teasing of kids.  Many, if not most, schools have employed an anti-bullying policies and programs.  But what happens if they don’t work?

A special guest post from Blair Wagner of A Way Through helps sort through this dilemma.

Why Anti-bullying Programs Miss the Mark

As I direct my focus to a new school year about to begin, I reflect back on the past school year and the approaches I’ve seen schools take to address school bullying among their students and their staff.  The one that really misses the mark is starting an anti-bullying program.

It is common for us to see something we don’t like and to join an anti-[fill in the blank] campaign.  We talk about, write about, and complain about how bad it is.  Our focus is on resisting the thing we don’t like, in this case bullying.  We push against it.  And that’s the problem.

What We Resist Persists

There’s an old saying: What we resist persists. Put another way, when we are negative about an issue, we perpetuate or spread negativity.

When we jump on the anti-bullying bandwagon, our attention, energy and focus are on the negativity of bullying. From this place of negativity, we lack emotional access to positive solutions. The anti name has a persistent negative influence.

As an alternative to a dooms day attitude or an angry approach, a more effective option is to recognize the bullying we see.  Name it.  Be curious about it.  Look at it from several angles.  But don’t stay stuck there.

Once we’ve gotten clear on what we are seeing and where it is coming from, work to clarify what we DO want. We want better social skills, social competence, emotional intelligence, social intelligence, healthy friendships, a positive culture, a positive climate, and positive role models.

A Springboard to Create a Replacement of Bullying Behavior

This positive focus gives us a springboard to create what we want.

Once we know what we want in bullying prevention, our job is to provide structures, training, and ongoing support for our students and for our school staff – all based on a focus of creating what we want, not on stopping what we don’t want.
Let’s replace those anti-bullying posters (of kids bullying or being bullied) with posters representing healthy friendships and acts of kindness. Start social skills training early. Put forth positive examples, language and visuals everywhere to influence your students in a positive way!